A Rabid Mouse and a Baggie Full of Cheerios
by Lukkie C
Summary: WARNING: THIS DOCUMENT MAY INDUCE BRAIN DAMMAGE! No one has read this yet except for me and--yeah. I will not be held responsible for rapid elimination of neurons. Read at your own risk...enjoy!
1. I Totally Miss You

Scully was fourteen years old and her family went on a vacation to an island.While they were there, Scully met a really cool friend and her name was Heather, "Mom," Scully said, "Can I stay hear and live with April for a while?" Scully's Mom said, "Sure, Scully.No problem."Then Scully's family went back to home. Scully started going to school with Heather.Heather was in the really cool group at the school.All her friends were the most poplular, and Heather was the most popular of all.One boy was not popular because everybody said he had murdered his sister and hid her somewhere.His name was Fox Mulder.He was pretty cute, even though he was only seventeen and he didn't really look like Mulder yet, sort of more like that actor that plays Young Mulder.But anyway, Scully thought he was pretty cute. _@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"Where have you gone,_

_Baby where you've gone._

_Oh I totally miss you,_

_My heart is painted blue._

_I totally miss you,_

_I can't stop loving you._

_So please come back."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

One day Scully was out by the sea walking on the rocks.The waves were crashing against the rocks in a very poetic way.The ocean breeze was making Scully's hair blow all around her beautiful young face.Mulder was sitting on one of the rocks looking out at the ocean.He was thinking about his lost sister. _"How I wish I could remember what happened to her!" _he thought, because he hadn't had his memory repression from Dr. Verber yet.  "Maybe everyone is right!Maybe I killed my sister!" he thought. Scully saw Mulder and his face contorted with pain and grief. She could tell right away what he was thinking. She sat down next to him on the rock. *Wow,* thought Mulder, *it's that new girl.* "Go away," said Mulder, because he thought Scully was just sitting there from pity. "Mulder, I know what your thinking," Scully said. "You shouldn't blame yourself any more." She put her arm around Mulder and gave him a little squeeze. "Okay," said Mulder. "Do you want to go the dance on Friday?" Mulder had never been to a school dance because all the girls thought he might murder them and hide there bodies. He was pretty cute, but he was not cute enough yet, for that. Mulder picked up Scully at Heather's house for the dance. Heather was already gone to the dance with her boyfriend, Steve. Mulder was wearing a print shirt with a really wide tie, because it was 1978. They went to the dance and it's theme was "Stairway to Heaven." They danced and Mulder was thinking, "_I wonder if Scully will let me go all the way_?" he really thought Dana because then they were on a first name basis but for all intents and purposes it didn't really matter that much.At least that's what Rachel said. Then they left the dance and were driving around, and Scully told Heather she would see her later at home. Mulder stopped the car by the ocean. It was dark but the waves were still crashing against the rocks. Scully was nervous because she believed in Mulder but she was still a little worried about what had happened to his sister. Then Mulder started kissing Scully and she was swept away on her passion. Mulder was a really good kisser! _@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"You'll be making me blue,  
Please come back,  
Why you have promised me the world,  
But you have made on through.  
I totally miss you."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Mulder suddenly realized, _"What is the age of consent in Massachusetts?"_ He thought it was probably not legal to go all the way with Scully. But then his passion carried him away and the only thing he was thinking about was her beautiful ripe lips. Then they had sex, but it was not very detailed because that is probably illegal, too. Mulder drove Scully back to Heather's house. He told Scully he would call her later. But he never called because the next day he got a letter that he was accepted into the early admissions program at Oxford, which is in England!But before he got there he was bitten by a rabid mouse and was rushed to the hospital.But that isn't really important, it's just in the title.But in a way, that could keep them from seeing each other again, right?::Shakes head:: No...no... Scully went to school and she was looking around for Mulder, but he wasn't there. Some other kids told Scully he went to England! She cried a lot, because she realized that she would never see him again and she now knew that he was the only one she could ever love! Then Scully decided she would go back and live with her family again and try to forget about Mulder. She almost forgot about him, but then she found out she was pregnant, and that reminded her of him again.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"You'll be making me blue,_

_Please come back,_

_Why you have promised me the world,_

_But you have made on through._

_I totally miss you...I totally miss you._

_Oh I totally miss you."_

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

"_If only she would of never met Fox William Mulder!" _thought Scully. Scully was worried about her dad finding out, too (because he wasn't dead yet, since Scully was only 14). And how was she supposed to get an education and go to medical school with some little brat running around? But Scully told her parents anyway, and then she had her baby and it was adopted. Scully vowed she would forget all about Mulder and her baby.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_~ * ~ *15 Years Later* ~ * ~_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Scully knocked on the door. "Nobody hear but the FBI's most unwanted," Mulder said in a joking way. Scully walked into the office. She saw Mulder, and now he was _really_ cute. He was wearing his glasses, too. Scully was thinking, _"I think he looks like some one I used to know."_ Then she thought, _"Oh forget about it, your just imagining it."_ Then Mulder said his name, but Scully had forgotten all about it in her regressed memory, so she didn't remember him. Scully said her name to Mulder, but he had forgotten all about her, too. Then Mulder started showing Scully some slides, and pretty soon they went to Oregon and Mulder saw her in her underwear, but he still didn't remember her. _@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_ Cancer Man was watching a videotape of Scully and Mulder in their office, which was bugged but they didn't know it. He was thinking about his adopted son, Fox William Mulder, Jr., who was not living with him because he was going to boarding school at a military school in Virginia, and it didn't allow women yet, because it was 1993. "Well, Fox William Mulder, Jr.,* he thought. *At last your parents meet again!*

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_


	2. Never Say Never Again

One day Mulder went over to Scully's house.He was so excited because Scully was his favorite person in the whole wide world and he just wanted to be near her all day but he couldn't tell her because he was embarrassed.He walked up the path to her door and it was lined with pretty colorful rosebushes.Mulder thought that they looked so spectacular with her pink and white siding.

He was really excited when he got to the door.He pressed the bell and it played the song "Mmm Bop".That was always Scully's favorite.She thought that the Hanson boys were so cute, even if she was twice their age and the rest of the world thought they looked like girls.Then Mulder started to worry.

"Oh my gosh diddly osh!" He screamed out loud.He screamed so loud that the neighbors heard and got mad but they didn't say anything because they thought that he was all mean inside because he was a G-Man, but he was really as sweet as puppy chow on the inside, "Oh my goshy washy!" he repeated again, "What if Scully likes girls!?" he was so scared that he didn't know what to do.He really hoped that Scully didn't like girls because that would be yucky and she wouldn't like him.He stopped worrying once Scully opened the door because she was so pretty and just looking at her made him feel better.

"Oh Scully," he said, although his voice was high and squeaky like a twelve year old boy because she always made him feel like a twelve year old boy but he wasn't because that would be illegal and she always made him there were kittens playing with balls of yarn in his stomach, "I thought it would be a lovely day for tea.It's so nice out," he said as a bird chirped in a tree and fell to the ground dead because he was so jealous.Mulder and Scully didn't notice because they were so happy to be together.

Scully's eyes got really big because she was so very extremely excited.She had been playing tea party with her stuffed animals all day and she had been longing for someone to talk to because she was afraid that some of her guests were going insane.Scully only knew one person in her life that went insane and that was her imaginary friend "Crazy Mary."Scully was so glad that Mulder was there so that she could talk to him.She was sure that they would have a joyously and pleasurably gay time.

"Mulder, I would be delighted for you to come in for tea.I prepared it from my own botanical blends.I hope you like it," her smile filled his insides with sunshine.It felt like there was so much sunshine in him that it would come out of his eyes and ears and blind her, but it didn't and he was glad.

She let him in her pretty pink and white house and closed the door.A happy little bird chirped in its cage as Mulder walked in.He was so happy and he was glad the bird was too.Mulder thought the bird should be happy though.He would be happy to if he lived with Scully.Then he wondered if the bird had seen Scully naked.He should have been jealous, but he wasn't because that would be wrong and he respected Scully and didn't care if he ever saw Scully naked because he loved her so much.He just thought the bird was a pervert now.

Scully sat down on a pillow by the pretty coffee table in the middle of the room with her stuffed animals.Mulder joined her at the opposite end on the other pink satan pillow.

Scully smiled at him.She prayed to doG that Mulder and Mr. Happy, her favorite teddy bear, would become fast friends.She picked up the pretty pink ceramic tea pot and poured Mulder a cup of tee.She was so nervous that she spilled some on his hand and burned it off.It burnt like acid and Mulder screamed and yelled some really bad words that Scully had never heard before but she still knew that they were bad.

Well, that's what would've happened if it had been burning hot tea, but it wasn't.It was water because Scully wasn't allowed to use the stove yet because her mommy said so.

Mulder laughed and laughed because he thought that the cool water felt good against his warm skin, but he secretly wished that it was leftover spit from Scully's kiss instead of water.

Mulder took a sip of his tea that was really water, but spit it out because it wasn't water at all—because it was really mud.Scully just remembered that she had to use mud because she forgot to pay her water bill.

But Mulder didn't mind because he thought that Scully was the prettiest girl that he had ever seen.He wanted to kiss her real bad but then he remembered that girls had cooties and if he kissed her all of the other boys at the FBI place would make fun of him because girls were yucky so he didn't kiss her after all.He just sat there and stared at the pretty necklace she wore.

Scully was thinking differently though.She spent her whole entire life in an all girls' school and she was filled with so much sexual frustration that it was oozing at of her eyes and nose.She was glad that it was just a figure of speech, because she would be really embarrassed if sexual frustration was really dripping out of her nose because that would be really messy and Mulder might not like her then.She wondered what color sexual frustration was, and she hoped that it was pink because she wanted to ki** Mulder on her pink carpet.She knocked the table over and pounced on Mulder and pinned him to the floor.They did some naughty things like hug***g and kiss**g.After about ten minutes they had a baby.

Scully thought they should name her Spritzy "Wham Bam" Mulder.So they did.Spritzy "Wham Bam" was so smart that she went into honors kindergarten the next day.

Scully was really scared because Mommy Scully told her that if she kissed boys before she was married she would burn in the Bad Place where people burned.She didn't know what to do so she married him and became Scully "Wham Bam" Mulder.

Mulder was so excited that he danced around the house like a mental person with a seizure until he knocked Scully into the ground with him.He looked at her and then remembered that they were married so it didn't matter if they did the "k" thing or the "h" thing.They k-ed for so long they had another baby.They didn't know what to do because they couldn't think of any other names besides Spritzy "Wham Bam" Mulder.So Scully looked at Mulder and he giggled becuase he remembered the day that they k-ed in the FBI place and Krychek found them and told the Big Man, "Mr. Mulder and Miss Scully were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me." The Big Man laughed too.

Then Scully thought of a name.They would name him Kibbles "Start Your Day the Richy Rich Way with Kibbles" Mulder.Mulder thought that it was the prettiest name that he had ever heard in his entire life and he was glad that he was married to someone as smart as Scully.

But the next day their babies went to college because they were so smart.Mulder danced around the house singing "Spritzy "Wham Bam" and Kibbles "Start Your Day the Richy Rich Way with Kibbles" are so smart!Spritzy "Wham Bam" and Kibbles "Start Your Day the Richy Rich Way with Kibbles" are so smart!S-M-R-T!S-M-R-T!"

Scully was proud that Mulder and their children were so smart.

Mulder was so happy that he wanted to have another baby but Scully wouldn't let him because she didn't want people to think that she was a cheap whore.But Scully still had so much sexual frustration that it was hard for her to not ki** Mulder, so she went to her desky to draw a daisy.She colored it red.But then Mulder came over and said that red daisies were biogenetically impossible because the "dooly-bob didn't have the information to produce the red thingy".Scully thought that's what he said, but he really said that they were biogenetically impossible because there was no information written in the nucleic acid to give daisies a red hue.But she didn't hear him because all she could think about was kiss**g him.

It made her want to kiss him even more because he was so smart.But she didn't.Instead she told Mulder that they were getting a divorce because he was too gosh darn diddly diddly sexy.He was happy that she used two diddlys instead of one, but he was sad that she wanted a divorce and his heart broke into a billion million tiny thousand peices, but he didn't say anything because he wanted to look tough in front of Scully.He just left her house but he was mad at her because she was being a fickle female dog because they were only married for thirty minutes.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

When Mulder walked out of Scully's house, Scully felt like he walked out of her heart and was swimming in her bloodstream through the aorta and down through all the little arteries and capillaries to all the parts of her body.He was kind of like doG, Scully thought, because he was everywhere, yet he was nowhere.But Scully always knew that Mulder was like doG, because sometimes she felt like she loved him so much that he really _was _doG.

She hoped that someday, somehow, Mulder would return to her heart again via her vena cava.But then he wouldn't be the save because all of the cells in her body would derive oxygen from him and he would return to her the same, but de-oxygenated.It would be like a star winked out of his constellation.Could she still love him even if he was deprived of oxygen?

She thought and thought and thought, and then she finally realized that it wouldn't matter because when he returned to her right ventricle her heart would re-oxygenate him again.So in the end he would give her his oxygen so that she could like and her cells wouldn't die, and in return she would re-oxygenate him.It was like something out of a romance novel but not quite so dirty because Scully didn't like dirty stuff.But then she wondered if it would be dirty because of all the blood.She thought and thought and thought, and then she remembered that it couldn't be dirty because her body was more than seventy-percent water and the water would wash away all the dirt anyways.Just the thought of washing the dirt off of a de-oxygenated Mulder made Scully want to ki** him.But she couldn't because he was in her blood stream.But then she thought that he could be the blood in her lips, so it would be like he was kissing her all the time.And then she thought that he could also be the blood in her "special place" and that would be naughty.But then she remembered that he was everywhere yet he was nowhere.Then she got confused.

After she forgot about what she was confused about she remembered that he didn't really walk out of her heart, because deep down he would never leave her.It was so deep it seemed like he was plugged between her tri-cuspid.Or maybe it was her bi-cuspid.It could even be her mitral and her pulmonic.She didn't know heart valves.Then she wondered if he fell apart when she divorced her and he was really plugged between all of the valves in her heart.But then her heart would be unable to pump blood throughout her body and she would be dead.But how did she know that her heart was really pumping blood in the first place?She couldn't feel it.Maybe she was already dead.Or maybe she was never alive in the first place!

She felt like she was dying on the inside and then she hoped that all of her organs were okay because she wanted to look pretty on the inside for Mulder because that's what her mommy always said mattered.

Then she remembered that she was thinking about Mulder being deep down inside her heart and how he would never leave her, at least not all the way.

"Maybe Mulder is still really in my heart, like two fifths of him is in there!" Scully was so happy she shivered at the revelation.Then she wondered how he would stay alive if two fifths of his body was gone.She thought that the part of his brain would live, but then she wondered if he would die of blood loss.Then she remembered that he was in her bloodstream so it didn't matter.She thought that it would be safe to assume that the part of his brain would be the largest, and she thought that maybe the largest part would leave her because he looked pretty mad.She knew that all marriages lost their spark, but not in thirty minutes!So if the larger half left, that was like divorce, but if the smaller half did that was only loosing the spark.

Then she thought that the smaller part of his body would die without the brain, and if part of him died in her heart, that would be the worstest feeling in the whole entire world!

Scully thought that he would look pretty funny with two fifths of his body missing and then she thought of Krychek.

Then Scully wondered if she hurt Mulder by divorcing him and if he thought that she had walked out of his heart and into his bloodstream too.But she wasn't in his bloodstream.She didn't know much about metaphysics, but how could she really be sure that she _wasn't _really in his bloodstream and she was just dreaming because the plasma in his blood was getting her high?Or maybe she was in a simulated dream world created by aliens.How did she know that she really existed?What if Mulder didn't really exist?What if he was really her cousin?Scully decided it wouldn't matter if he was her cousin because he was still really hot.

Scully thought that maybe she was just a big brain in a scientist's labratory.She wondered if it was a random firing of neurons that was inducing a dreamlike state.Then she remembered that this whole thing started with Mulder being in her bloodstream and walking out of her heart.She thought about the same things for about an hour until she got confused and decided to have some snack-ums.

Snack-ums were her favorite snack.They tasted like giant fruit loops in a giant pringles can.But she didn't know what the can tasted like because she didn't eat the can.Only the fruity loopy stuff. Scully thought they looked like food from Chernobyl but then she remembered that snack-ums were invented after the Chernobyl incident.

Scully was happy that she had work tomorrow and that she would be able to see Mulder again.She hoped that Mulder would forgive her because she loved him so much and she wanted to die without him.The pain in her heart hurt so much that she wanted to scream.Scully wondered if we would still cut trees down even if they could scream.

"We might," she thought, "if they screamed a lot and for no good reason."

Then she remembered that trees didn't have moths so they couldn't scream even if they wanted to.

After Scully was done eating her snack-ums, she turned on the bed and crawled into the light.She was so excited about going to work tomorrow so that she could see Mulder.She hugged her favorite teddy bear Mr. Happy to her chest, which was close to her.She loved the feel of his soft brown fur against her cream-like cheek.But most of all she loved telling secrets to him at night.They were usually about Mulder.

"Mr. Happy, I did a horribly borribly terrible thing today!I divorced Mulder!I just want him to know that I love him and that I would never do anything in the whole wide world to hurt him!"

She cried and cried because Mr. Happy was only a bear and he couldn't do anything but sit there and look happy but Scully didn't expect him to do anything because he was only a bear.Scully cried so hard and so long that tears flowed down her cheeks like two gushing rivers but then she realized that they wouldn't really be like rivers because her tears were salty, so in a way, that would make them more like oceans.But they would be more like oceans without jellyfish because jellyfish aren't stored in tear ducts.But then Scully remembered that oceans weren't stored in tear ducts either and then she gotconfused.After she thought about the same things for hours and hours, she got tired and decided to go to sleep.

She dreamed about Mulder.She had a dream that she was a pretty pretty princess and Mulder was her prince and they danced and danced and danced like the happy people at the end of Beauty and the Beast.But then Scully felt bad because sh didn't really think that Mulder was a beast at all.Then she was glad that Mulder couldn't see her dreams because she thought that he might cry if she thought he was a beast.Then she remembered that the beast turned into a pretty pretty prince at the end, so all in all, the factors just cancelled themselves out, really.Then Scully woke up.She went into her living room because she was one of those weird people that wander around the house at odd hours in the night because there is going to be a plot twist.And, sure enough, there was a plot twist.

Then she was interrupted from her random thoughts because the phone rang.Scully wondered what made phones ring, and who decided that they would ring.Was it doG?Myabe it was—

"Could we please get on with the plot?" the author asked, breaking Scully from her thoughts.

"...There's a plot?"

There may not have been a plot, but there was a long pause.

"Just do what I tell you to do!"

She was about to think more non-senseical things about phones and what not, but Rachel wouldn't let her because she wanted to get to the point.

Scully picked up the phone.

"Hello?" she asked into the phone.

"Hi."

It was Mulder!It was really Mulder!She wanted to gush all her feelings out onto the phone but she was worried that it might cause the phone to short circuit.So she didn't.

"I just wanted to call to say that I'm...sorry," Mulder said into the phone because he wasn't there face to face with her.

Scully was so happy that she wanted to cry.Maybe things wouldn't be so bad with Mulder after all!She was amazed that her vena cava could pump blood so fast!But she still wondered if he was split up or not...

"Yeah, I'm sorry—SORRY YOUR NOT DEAD!" he snickered a while and she heard his buddies Skin man and Krychick laughing in the background and giving each other high fives.Then there was a click and Scully was confused.

"Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?Mulder?" she called his name about a hundred times and then she realized that he had hung up.

Then the phone rang again.Scully would be mad, but Scully didn't realize that it was just Mulder calling again to torment her and to look cool in front of his friends but he really didn't.

"Hello?"

"Hey baby, when the phone ain't ringing, that's me not calling!" Mulder said as she heard more laughs explode in the background and almost explode through the phone but they didn't because it was only figurative speech.

"Oh, burn!Burn!" she heard in the background along with, "Score!"

She didn't know that they were making fun of her so she hung the phone up and wondered why Mulder would use such terrible grammar.How could he do such a thing?She wanted to cry because he obviously didn't remember his fifth grade English teachers very well.Then the phone rang again and Scully picked it up because she was as naive as a poor little puppy dog that had got kicked a lot but was too stupid to not get kicked again.Except she didn't make yelping noises, but she should have because that would be funny.

"Sure, fine, whatever," Scully said as she slammed up the phone on Mulder.Who was he to tell her what she could and couldn't do?For five years she risked her gluteus maximus to cover his, with not a word of thanks. Just more of the same. Memememememe.

Suddenly the phone rang again. Quickly she answered it, secretly hoping it was Mulder with an apology. That maybe her coolness had plunged some sort of spring of humanity buried within his confused soul. What she got was much better.

"Hello? Dana Scully?"

"Yes, this is Scully.... who IS this?" she snapped.

"You probably don't remember me ... but this is Eugene Toombs," the other voice said cautiously.

"Eugene?! Hi! How _are_ you?"

"Oh, I'm _much_ better now.I was a little screwed up there for a while, with the liver-eating business, but I found a great therapist and I think I'm doing much better....".

"That's _great_, Eugene, glad to hear it ..."

They talked for a while, catching up on old times and making not a few Silence of the Lambs jokes about themselves.Finally Scully prompted Toombs, "So, Eugene ... any special reason for calling?"

"Well..." He stopped, hesitant.Gathering the courage of a once-sociopath he ventured forth: "I was wondering if we could get together some time...maybe have dinner?Uh...tomorrow _is_ Valentine's Day..." On the other end of the phone he flushed blood-red. "What an gluteus maximus!" he thought, and waited for the inevitable let-down.

Shocking him, Scully responded quickly, "Why Eugene...I'd love to!"

There was a moment of silence on the line while Eugene picked himself back off the floor and both of them wondered if they were dreaming. "You ... really? Wow! That's great! And it doesn't bother you that I'm a homicidal maniac twisted up version of humanity?"

"No!", Scully laughed cheerfully. "You forget! I work with Fox Mulder!" And they both laughed and eventually said their goodbyes waiting for tomorrow to come.

The next night Eugene showed up eerily on schedule. Scully was just toweling off when he oozed through the grate above the towel rack. Reflexively she drew the towel around herself, as she watched his elongated fingers slip through the metal slats. An alien shiver warmed her spine as she admired his...agility.

Luminescent green eyes approved her body, her short but lean legs, her tiny hips and round breasts.Or at least, what he could see of all of the above through the towel.She flushed and grinned, throwing a washcloth at him playfully.

"Stop scaring me like that!" she admonished, still playful, and shooed him out of the bathroom while she finished getting dressed.Eugene drifted into the kitchen and checked out the fridge.

Awe filled him when he saw her finally emerge from the bedroom: A rose in full bloom, a butterfly breaking from a cocoon. 

"Dana...you look mahvellous," he quipped and they both laughed.Dana noticed that he was busily gorging himself on a plate of raw giblets she had been saving for soup, the blood still fresh on his chin.She felt a sudden pang of understanding for this man--this lonely creature.She felt that she could relate to him so completely, as if they were soul mates.Well, part of her did. Part of her thought about Mulder would have an apoplectic seizure if he could see her now and that really set her on her course.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"You must understand_

_Though the touch of your hand_

_Makes my pulse react_

_That it's only the thrill_

_A boy meeting girl_

_Opposites attract_

_It's physical_

_Only logical_

_You must try to ignore_

_That it means more than that."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

The swayed together in the bar, Scully's face pressed close to the clamminess of Eugene's skin.Her sweater felt warm and damp, tight between their chests.As the song ended they swept each other into the waiting booth, drunk with the thrill of their illicit togetherness. Eugene took Scully's hand, admiring each tiny knuckle as she inhaled sharply.Without warning he raised her hand up and drew her middle finger into his mouth.

"That reminds me of a story!" Scully gushed, and ordered another tequila shooter while Sister Act II played on the big screen in the background.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Oh what's love got to do_

_Got to do with it?_

_What's love but a second-hand emotion?_

_What's love got to do_

_Got to do with it?_

_Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?"_

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

"Where did you get it?" Scully asked, curiosity tinged with admiration, as she fondled the ink imbedded in his arm.

"Oh, it was back in the Navy...WWII.My sub mates and I were drunk on shore leave one night.It's a monument to my foolish youth, which is of course, eternal", he shrugged, bashfully.

"Did it hurt?" she asked softly.

"Nah, not really.Booze is the greatest pain-killer, you know." 

She laughed at him.His smile turned boyish, a lock of hair fell into his yellow-green eyes and she felt a pang.Youth, she thought.Live it while you can.And then she and Eugene were outside in the night, where the neon lights make everyone look a little less human.

EZ Eddie's Tattoo Parlor was just two blocks away. 

"Pick one." Eugene was whispering in her ear now, his breath hot against her cheek.She felt herself swooning into a place where nobody cares if tomorrow ever comes.Felt herself being drawn into a realm of darkness where there was not, had never been a Fox Mulder.A place where you can go back in time and rewrite the future.She chose an image of a small red fox, and she asked the tattoo artist to put a big old "X" right through its little face.Later she would realize that she forgot to ask whether or not the tattooist used only sterilized needles.She would consider that her most daring omission of all, except for when she was waiting for the HIV and Hepatitis tests to come back.But for now, she was draped over a cool metal chair while Eugene's desire filled the room and each tiny hot prick of the needle erased a cold regret.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"It may seem to you_

_That I'm acting confused_

_When you're close to me_

_If I tend to look dazed_

_I read it someplace_

_I've got cause to be_

_Well there's a name for it_

_There's a phrase that fits_

_But whatever the reason_

_You do it for me."_

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Now she has gone farther than she has ever gone before.They are back at Eugene's abandoned warehouse and he is behind her, urging her up the small runged ladder before them.It is dark, and the air is stale flavored with a hint of something more sinister.They arrive in the loft landing with only a trickle of light playing against the dirty floor.He reaches for her, he stretches himself toward her from about ten feet away and wraps himself around her.He is hungry, but so is she.He pulls her sweater off over her head, tousling her hair and then they both fall into his newspaper-lined rat's nest. 

"Happy Valentine's Day," he murmurs.He begins to lick her.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Scully awakes to brilliant daylight.For a moment she is invaded by the memory of a dream that...but she is home, in her own bed.Slipping her feet to the floor, she realizes she is wearing a man's khaki colored work shirt.She advances to the mirror and turns so she can see the sleeve. "Eugene," the embroidered name tag says.And it is filled with the smell of furnace oil.The doorbell rings and she pulls on her pantyhose and rushes to the door, hoping for answers.

Mulder.She moves to slam the door in his face but he slams back harder and it smashes against the wall behind, denting the plaster. "What the funk are you doing?!" She retreats into the living room, never taking her eyes off him.

"I _called you_, eighteen times last night!" His eyes scan the room and land on her cell phone, forgotten on the coffee table.He picks it up and throws it at her after reading the digital window. "Message! Message!" he shrieks, really beside himself now.

"Dana?" the voice comes from the doorway, tentative. "Is everything okay?"

Eugene is there and he has bagels, cream cheese and lox.He holds a dead salmon in one hand and a Starbucks bag in the other."Dana...I..." and he sees Mulder and freezes.Mulder's face explodes at the sight of him and he has dropped and picked his gun up twice by the time Toombs disappears from sight. 

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"I've been taking on a new direction_

_and I have to say_

_I've been thinking about my own protection_

_It scares me to feel this way_

_What's love got to do_

_got to do with it?_

_Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?"_

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Scully is dressed sharply in one of her old suits, the ones that meant business before she ever did. She stands by the desk while Mulder stares at a pencil and wonders how much it meant to the office ecosystem.

"And _another_ thing ..." he continues.He's been ranting for two hours now."I'm never letting you out of my sight again.Who knows what could happen to a beautiful woman in a world full of monsters?Did you ever think of _that_, Scully? Did you ever think at _all_?"He throws it up furiously and she levels herself at him: "I have needs, Mulder.I get hungry sometimes.And sometimes, I want to shed my skin."

Mulder stared at her.

Scully wanted to tell him that she only did it to make him jealous but she couldn't because she was too shy.Mulder stormed out of the room because he wanted to go cry but he couldn't tell Scully so when he left Scully cried too.She cried and cried until it was time for her to go home.Then she got in the Scully-mobile and drove away.


	3. Harts and Flours

It was February 1st. Maggie Scully was standing at her sink washing her dishes with Ivory dish soap. She wasn't thinking about anything much until she looked at the calendar and saw that Valentine's Day was in just two weeks. Then she felt sad because her husband was dead and so she was a widow. A tear rolled down her cheek and dripped into the sink with the dishes. She knew that her time for happiness was over because her husband was dead and she was too old to find more happiness.

She picked a cup out of the water and rubbed it with the dishcloth. It was her dead husband's favorite cup. With a deep sigh she put the cup into the dish rack. Then she picked another cup up. This was Dana's favorite cup that she always drank out of when she came to visit. Maggie realized that although her time for happiness was over, because she was too old, she could help Dana to be happy and that would make her feel better.

I know what would make Dana happy, thought Maggie. If she would marry Fox! I know that secretly they love each other but they just need a little push. How can I do that? So she thought while she washed the rest of the dishes. While she was scrubbing out a pot with oatmeal stuck to the bottom, she had a good idea--she would call Fox's mom. Together they would make a Valentine's Day Plan to get Dana and Fox together!

Before the phone rang, Teena Mulder was sitting at her kitchen table drinking coffee. It was in a mug but it wasn't a special mug, just one from a set of six she got at Wal-Mart. She was sad too, partly because of Valentine's Day coming up and her being a widow and old, just like Maggie, but partly because her whole life had been really screwed up, and anyway can you be a widow if you're divorced from your husband when he dies?

"Hello?" Teena answered the phone.

"Hello. This is Maggie Scully, Dana's mom."

"Oh, I remember you. You called me up the last time they thought Fox was dead. Is he dead again?"

"No." Maggie was quick to reassure Teena that Fox was not dead, at least not that she knew. "But I wanted to talk to you about him and about Dana too. Do you want to come over this afternoon for tea?"

"That would be very nice." And so they decided to have tea at 2:30.

At 2:30, Maggie's doorbell rang and when she answered the door, there was Teena.

"Thank you for coming," Maggie said in a friendly fashion, taking Teena's coat.

"Thank you for inviting me." Teena was glad to be invited out. She felt less sad.

The two ladies sat down and drank Orange Pekoe tea with milk but no sugar out of teacups from Maggie's wedding china and ate cucumber sandwiches and shortbread that Maggie had made from an old recipe that her mother had.

"The shortbread is delicious!" said Teena. "Can you give me the recipe?"

"Sure," said Maggie and wrote down the instructions on a 3x5 card. "I'm so glad you can come over to drink tea with me. I almost forgot what I wanted to talk to you about, I was so glad to have some company."

"I know just what you mean," said Teena and smiled sadly and bravely.

"It's about Fox and Dana," Maggie said. "I think they should get married since they secretly love each other. But I think they need some help getting started. What do you think?"

Teena actually didn't see Fox too much since they got on each other's nerves a lot, but she still loved him because he was her son and so she wanted him to be happy, even if her time for happiness was over.

"I think it would be really nice. But how can we help?" Teena asked with a quizzical look.

"Well, I think that if they just had a romantic dinner with candles and wine and music and Dana could wear her prom dress, then they would fall in love and get engaged. But they won't do that unless we trick them."

"I get it!" Teena understood right away because she was really smart and it was from her side of the family that Fox got his brains. "We'll make the dinner and get them to come." So first Maggie called up Dana to invite her.

"Hello?" Dana answered the phone. "Dana, it's Mom," said Maggie. "I wondered if you and Fox could come to dinner in a couple weeks. How about next Saturday night?" She pretended not to realize that it was Valentine's Day.

"Mom, that's Valentine's Day," said Dana. "Are you trying to set us up?"

"Ha ha! I didn't even realize that it was Valentine's Day. Of course I'm not trying to set you up. Come at 7:30 and wear your prom dress."

"OK Mom, we'll be there."

After Maggie hung up the phone, she told Teena that the plan had worked. So they started to make a list of things to do. It would be a busy two weeks!

On Valentine's Day, Teena and Maggie started working in the afternoon to set up the fancy dinner. They had flowers and candles and Frank Sinatra and the best tablecloth and wine and they were making a romantic pasta dish with beet flavored noodles so they'd be pink and artichoke hearts cut in little heart shapes. It would be the most romantic dinner ever. The plan was to get everything ready and then after Dana and Fox arrived they would go down to the rec room and play Scrabble. That way they would be out of the way but close so they could be the first to hear the engagement announcement.

At last, everything was done except that Teena kept rearranging the flowers because she was a perfectionist. Maggie was just about to fix the sandwiches and tea to take down to the rec room when the phone rang.

"Hello?" Maggie answered the phone.

"Hello Mom, it's Dana."

"Hi, Dana. Are you almost ready to come over?"

"No, Mom, we can't come! A case came up. We have to go to Las Vegas to investigate the grisly murders of 13 Elvis impersonators."

"Oh, no!" Maggie was crushed. But she tried to sound cheery. "Well, I hear that there are a lot of Elvis impersonators in the wedding chapels there. Maybe you should have a look around some of them."

"I'll call you when we get back, Mom. Goodbye."

After Maggie hung up the phone, she told Teena that the plan was wrecked! They were both sad, even sadder than they had been on February 1st. But since they had not been brought up to let food go to waste, they decided to eat the dinner themselves. They lit the candles and put on Frank Sinatra and poured the wine and looked at the flowers which Teena finally finished arranging. And then they ate the special pasta.

"The pasta is delicious, Teena!" Maggie said. "Can you give me the recipe?"

"Sure," said Teena and pulled out a 3x5 card with the recipe already on it. "Even though our plan to get Fox and Dana engaged didn't work out, I'm so glad we can have dinner together on Valentine's Day."

"I know just what you mean," said Maggie and smiled. "I like spending time with you."

Teena said, "You know, we have a lot in common. We both had husbands named Bill, we're both widows, we're both old, we both had our daughters abducted, we both like playing Scrabble..."

Maggie had a look of surprise. "You're right! I never thought about it before." And she took a sip of wine, which they had both drunk several glasses of without really noticing. She looked over at Teena and thought about how nice she looked tonight.

"Teena, you look really nice tonight," she said.

And Teena had been thinking the exact same thing about Maggie. "So do you, Maggie, you look really beautiful," she said.

Teena was feeling extra-friendly towards Maggie so she reached over and held her hand and it felt warm and friendly and nice but it also felt all tingly and exciting which sort of surprised her. And Maggie was feeling the exact same way.

"It feels so nice and tingly to hold your hand, Teena," Maggie said and she squeezed Teena's hand.

Just then Frank Sinatra began to sing "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes" which was one of Maggie's favourite songs but Teena didn't like it for some reason and she grabbed the remote control and advanced the CD to the next track. Frank was singing "You Do Something To Me" then and they both liked that one and so that was OK. Frank's velvety and romantic voice filled the room and made them feel really good.

The music was so good that they got up and danced a little, really slow, and then without really knowing how it happened they kissed each other and the candles flickered and Frank kept singing and they both felt more exciting tingles from the kiss and it was really nice but after awhile they stopped because even though it was nice, it was sort of like a first date, right? And they both realized that just because they were old and widows, it wasn't too late for them to find more happiness and so the Valentine Plan wasn't wrecked after all, in a way.

And then they played Scrabble.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_


	4. Is There Something I Should Know?

Scully was just lying when she said that they had to investigate those murders because she was so worried about getting back with Mulder again.He didn't never talk to her anymore, and at work he was really mean to her.He would knock over her papers to make his friends laugh and he would tape signs to her back that said "Skully the Ice Cream Queen".She thought it was cute that he would put that, but she didn't get it.One day he gave Mr. Happy a full body cast out of masking tape and gave him acupuncture therapy with paper clips.He gave him surgery and removed his stuffing and filled him with glue.Then he stapled him back together.Scully wanted to cry!But she didn't because she was strong.Then one day Mulder locked her in the basement office.She was so scared because she was claustrophobic but it didn't matter because she made a rope with his ties and escaped out the window even though she was in the basement.But it still felt good to make a rope out of his ties.But little did Scully know that when she left Mulder would be gone.And little did she know the end of Pi, and little did she know how telephones worked—she was still really confused about that...

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"I made a break, I run out yesterday;  
I tried to find my mountain hideaway...  
Maybe next year, maybe no go-oh..."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

"Scully!" Mulder called out, jogging lightly over to where Scully stood by her mom, barbecuing hot dogs.

"Mulder!" Scully echod, her eyes wide with mangled surprise and joy, "You're here! Where have you been?"

Mulder rolled his eyes (for a change), shaking his head dismissively, as he grabbed a hot dog and bun off the platter Scully's mom was holding. "It's a long story...I got sidetracked while I was hunting down Krycheck in the Himalayas..."

"Sidetracked by what?"

"This really foxy were-woman," Mulder answered, his mouth so full of hot dog that he inadvertently spit a piece out into Scully's red hair. He made a horrible face when he realized what he'd done, only Scully hadn't seemed to notice, cause she was asking, "So what happened?"

"So, I lost him up in the mountains, that's what," he made up. He tried to casually get that piece of dog out of her hair without her noticing, but she was turning her head to yell, "Skinner! He's back!"

Mulder blinked loudly, "Skinner's here?" 

He totally and completely missed the blush that spread itself like fat-reduced butter over Scully's high cheekbones (and it clashed badly with her hair, too).

"Um...yeah..." Scully said softly, narrowing her eyes against the glare of the late summer sun, which hurt her eyes, "Mulder...you were gone for so long..."

Mulder shrugged defensively, "Hey, Scully, don't get all maternal on me, I'm just trying to do my job, here---"

"No, it's not that, I just---"

"Agent Mulder!" Skinner came tripping along to join them, giving Mulder a huge grin and throwing his arm around Scully's shoulders.

Mulder thought maybe the Himalayan fog hadn't completely and totally left his eyes, or something, cause he could of sworn Skinner was...grinning. 

"Why are you grinning like that?" he asked, uncomfortably aware that he sounded

like a little boy watching another little boy playing with his favorite frisbee and loosing it, "And why do you have your arm around my—partner?"

Scully tilted her head to one side, her eyes shutting tight, "That's what I've been trying to tell you, Mulder"

"Congratulate me, Mulder, I'm going to be a groom!" Skinner boomed, hugging a suddenly quiet Scully, who'd gotten kinda quiet, all of a sudden.

"You're going to be a what?" Mulder echoed dumbly.

Skinner laughed aloud, "I know, it really is something, isn't it? You were gone for so long that we'd figured you for dead. Then, at the Christmas ball, I asked Dana—"

"Who?" Mulder asked, his head spinning.

"Me, Mulder." Scully sighed, looking down at the ground.

"—to dance, and we just sort of fell head over heels...wanna see my tux?"

Mulder shook his head like a wet dog...(not a hot dog). "Why'd you bring your tux here?"

Scully raised her moistened eyes to Mulder's shocked face, "Because we're getting married right after the barbecue, Mulder."

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"I know you're watching me  
every minute of the day...  
I've seen the signs and the looks and the pictures  
that give your game away..."___

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

"Uh..." Mulder stuttered...This sucks, he thought to himself, "A barbecue wedding?" was all he could think of saying. That's when he noticed the two hundred people who were milling about on Ma Scully's front lawn.

"Come on!" Skinner beckoned Mulder, grabbing his arm and pulling him into the house, "You came just in time to be my best man!"

Scully watched with saddened eyes as Skinner dragged Mulder into the house. Bad enough that she was marrying a man she didn't love; but did the man she did love have to come back and ruin it all? Oh well, it probably didn't matter...she was still dying of cancer and doubted she'd even make it past the bouquet toss. Just then, a glop of blood fell from her nose, and she cursed as she tried to clean herself up.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"There's a dream that strings the road  
with broken glass for us to hold  
And I cut so far before I have to say..."_

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~___

"Why's there broken glass on the floor?" Mulder asked stupidly, as Skinner showed off his tux.

"Oh that," Skinner smiled engagingly, "I dropped my glasses on the floor and then stepped on them..." he shrugged playfully, "must be the pre-wedding jitterbugs."

"Sure, I'll bet that's it..."Mulder sighed softly...What the hell was he going to do? He couldn't let them get married to each other. I mean, he knew he hadn't exactly been all that great to Scully in the past, but that was all going to change now...now that he'd found Samantha...Too bad she was dead, though (Samantha, not Scully). Up in the Himalayas, he'd discovered where Samantha had been kept all these years, but she turned out to be a real snot, so Mulder said he was going back home to Scully so he could stop chasing aliens and have a real life...only, Samantha hadn't liked that, so she pulled a gun on him...naturally, he had to self-defend himself, so he shot her...that's not what killed her, though. He ran over to her lust less body, brains racing like mad to think of a way to save her, when Krycheck showed up and finished Samantha off...then he disappeared. Oh, and he'd shot Mulder in the foot too, so Mulder couldn't run after him, or anything. Mulder had weeped as he'd stared as Samantha's dead body, (and cause his foot hurt, of course), but he figured he'd better turn his mind to more important things...like heeling his foot and getting back to Scully. And now she's engaged to marry Skinner? Man, this really sucked. Mulder was brought out of his reverie by the sound of Skinner's voice saying, "Hey, let's go toss the old ball around before the ceremony, huh? Whadaya say?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you know, I don't have any kids, or siplinks, or anything, and I've always felt kinda close to you...I just thought it would be fun, you know? Do some male bondage before I tie the knot?"

Mulder sneered a smile at Skinner, who looked so happy he'd bust a gut. Mulder wished he could do that for him. "Sure, let's do some male bondage," he said, "but we'd better not throw the ball inside, I don't wanna break anything" Like my heart, he thought bitterly.

Skinner grinned wider, than made Mulder chase him down the stairs into the backyard. He yelled at Mulder to go long, and threw the ball, only, without his glasses, he mistaked Scully for Mulder and the ball hit her right int the—

"Oh! My nose!" she screamed muffledly, her hands cupping her nose.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"Please, please tell me now  
Is There Something I should Know?  
Is there something I should say?  
That would make you come my way?  
Do you feel the same cause you don't let it show?"_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Well, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise that Skinner had hit his bride in the nose with a football; it cured her cancer. They know this because Scully's doctor was there (to attend the wedding, of course), and he came over right away to check her out, and was able to see that the football had knocked the cancer right on outta there.

"So I'm not dying anymore?" Scully asked, amazedly. Her mom, Mulder, Skinner, and the two hundred guests huddled anxiously around her, holding there bated breaths, all at the same time.

The doctor laughed, "Dana, we're all dying a little bit everyday, you know that! But if you mean about the nose cancer, no, you're fine."

Scully turned dazed eyes to Mulder. "I'm fine, Mulder!" Oh darn, she though, looking over at Skinner. It was all well and good to be marrying somebody you didn't love while your true love was off in the Himalayas and you were dying of cancer, but now what was she gonna do?

Mulder somehow overcame his innate insensitivity and correctly read the look of indecision which spread across Scully's beautiful face. He grabbed her hadn't, much to Skinner's and the two hundred guests' surprise, and dragged her off to a nearby Weeping Winslow. "Scully, I'm not gonna let you do this."

"You're not?" she asked. She was still kinda stunned from the impact of that football, you know.

"No..." He felt the tension ease away from his face as he stared down into her cerulean blue eyes. "Do you know that Duran Duran song?"

Scully's eyebrow shot up higher than a kite. "Which one?"

"Is There Something I should Know?" At her continued look of confusion, he sang a few bars for her.

"Oh, yeah, I know that one, " she mumbled, wondering where all this was headed.

"Well, I think there's something you should know..." he murmured, taking a hold of her hand gently.

"Uh...what?"

"Scully, I love you, I always have, I always will, and if you marry that balding idiot, I'm afraid I'll have to shoot you like I shot Samantha."

"You shot your sister?!?!?!"

Mulder lost about 10 minutes explaining that part of the story for her. When they got back to the loving part, Scully said, "So what are you saying Mulder?

Mulder gave her those eyes. You know those eyes. "Marry me, Scully? Um, I mean, Dana?"

Just as she was about to shout YES and stick her tongue down his throat, she was distracted by a loud shout, "Don't do it, Scully, I'm not who you think I am!"

Scully turned horrified eyes to see the real Mulder racing to catch up with her. She gave a girly scream, pushing the fake Mulder away from her, and ran to the real Mulder, who, strangely enough, had only one arm.

The fake Mulder pulled out his gun. "Scully, he's lying! I'm Mulder; that's Krycheck!"

"No, Dana, he's lying, I'm the real Mulder!" The one armed Mulder shouted, pulling his own weapon (which he really shouldn't of done in front of all those people).

"What the—" Scully pulled at her red hair in her agitation, then winced, cause that hurt.

"I know who the real Mulder is," said the Cancer Man, walking to stand next to Scully, who was right in-between the two Mulders. He was there for the wedding too.

"Yeah? So who's the real Mulder? And give me one of those!" Scully ordered, taking the cigarette he'd just lit up and dragging deeply. She then choked on smoke as Cancer Man ripped the one armed man's face off to reveal...Marita Covarrubias.

"Marita?!" They all shouted in shock. (Even Cancer Man and the two hundred guests.)

"Yesssssss" she hissed, pulling her hidden arm out from under the suit she wore. "Betcha didn't know I'd been disguising myself as Krycheck all this time, didja?"

"Wait a minute, "Skinner finally said, stepping into the circle they'd formed. He turned to Scully. "From that scene of you almost kissing Mulder that I witnessed, am I to understand that our wedding's off?"

Mulder turned tender eyes to Scully. "Is it, Scully?"

"Dana!" The two hundred guests shouted.

Scully smiled tenderly back at Mulder. "Yes, it is, Mulder."

Skinner pondered this for a moment. Then he looked at Cancer Man. "Boss, has Marita ever actually really done anything wrong?"

"Urp...." thought Cancer Man aloud, "I...I guess not?"

Skinner looked at Marita, who lounged there like a snake in the grass, "So, how about it? You dating anybody?"

"I've been casually seeing this bee farmer, but I'm game for ssssomething new." she purred, taking his arm and slinking away with him slimily. The guests watched as they walked away, then turned their attentions back to Mulder and Scully.

"Well, Scully---Dana," he corrected himself sheepfully, "How's about it? Please, please, tell me now...is there something I should know?"

Scully figured that the way she jumped his bones pretty much took away any remaining doubts.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Scully waked up from her horribly terribly terrible sort of happy in a way dream.She hoped to Bob that she would never marry Skinner.But she did like getting together with Mulder at the end.When she waked up she realized that she was asleep in her desk at the FBI and left because she was a little embarrassed and wanted to see Mr. Happy.


	5. Balls

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

When she got home she went to her mailbox after coming home from work and was very surprised to see a big, mysterious pink envelope in her mailbox.

"What could this be?" she asked herself opening it.

When she opened it, she saw that it was an invitation to the Annual FBI Valentines Day Masquerade Ball where people wore masks so other people wouldn't know who they were and everyone would be in disguise.

"Oh, wow," she said to herself, because there was nobody else there to talk to. "I have to go to the FBI costume party. I wonder if Mulder will go with me?"

So she thought about this as she went inside her house and changed into her favorite fluffy sweater and her super comfy sweatpants. She curled up on her pink and white couch and hugged a pillow tightly to her bosom thinking about Mulder. She wished the pillow was Mulder, but it wasn't, so she sighed and ordered a pizza instead.

After she ate the pizza she went to sleep underneath her warm blanket and hugged Mr. Happy, her favorite teddy bear really tight. She was still thinking about Mulder and the masquerade party that she was supposed to go to and had happy dreams abut them dancing all night, like the prince and the princess in The Little Mermaid and it made her smile, even when she was sleeping.

The next day she went into work again and there was Mulder sitting as his desk and looking very handsome, which he did all the time because he had a puppy dog face and big lips and beautiful hazel eyes. She loved his eyes best of all and she liked his hair too which was fluffy and brown, just like Mr. Happy's.

_"I wish he would look at me and like me too sometimes,"_ Scully said to herself, but Mulder didn't hear her because she wasn't saying anything out loud.

"Hi Sculy," said Mulder, looking at her with his glasses on and her heart nearly exploded at the sight of them. He was really, _really_ good looking in his glasses, even better looking then without them.

"Hi, Mulder," Scully sighed. "Did you get the invitation to the maskerade ball? I got mine yesterday. Are you going?"

"No. I'm going to work instead." Said Mulder, pretending not to laugh because he really was going, but he was just going to trick Scully into thinking that he wasn't. Because he had a big surprise for Scully, but he didn't want her to know what that surprise was.

But Scully didn't know that Mulder wasn't not going, so her heart broke into a thousand million billion pieces when she heard he wasn't going. She wanted to cry, but didn't want Mulder to know that she was crying so she said she had to go to the bathroom were she sat in the toilet and cried.

After a while she stopped crying and tried to be brave, because she was an FBI agent and they were supposed to be brave all the time, not only when they were shooting people and chasing mutants. So, she dried her eyes off and went back to the office where Mulder was still smiling underneath his frown.

"Well, I'm going anyway," she said bravely even though inside her the sadness was making her want to puke all over the floor.

"Well, I'm not." He said and they didn't talk for the rest of the day.

So, Scully marched home that night and went into her closet to look for something to wear to the masquerade ball. She wasn't really into it, it wasn't going to be like in her dreams, with her and Mulder dancing together all night long, but she had to go anyway, because she was an FBI agent and all the FBI agents would be going to the ball.

_"Except for Mulder,"_ she thought to herself sadly and almost started to cry again.

But when she finally finished getting dressed and she looked in the mirror she started to feel a little better. The dress she was wearing was beautiful beyond everything you've ever seen. It was white satin with a big hoop skirt and lots and lots of pearls all over it. It had things like diamonds sown into it and it sparkled every which way when she moved. She looked exactly like a princess who was going to get married at the end of a cartoon and she couldn't believe it herself when she looked at herself.

Her hair was put up in a ball and little hairs came down all around her face like a frame. It was shining red and it smelled just like Head and Shoulders, her favorite shampoo, which smells really good. It was like red silk and she knew she'd be the prettiest girl at the ball.

_"But what difference does that make? Mulder isn't going to be there,"_ she said again to herself, but nobody heard her, because she wasn't talking out loud.

So, she said goodbye to Mr. Happy and went to her car and drove to the ball. When she came in the ballroom with her mask on, all the FBI agents were there and they all turned around to wonder who this beautiful lady was, who looked exactly like a princess from another planet.

With a big sigh, Scully went over to a chair and sat down in it. Pretty soon all the men walked over to her and asked her to dance, because the music was starting to play. She no to each and every one of them, because none of them were Mulder and because she thought that their lady friends were starting to look kinda pissed off at her for being the prettiest girl at the FBI ball.

So Scully sat really sad, listening to the nice music that was playing that was just like the music on her Hanson album at home but it was different. It was a good song but it made her sad at the same time because Mulder wasn't there to listen to it with her.

But, suddenly, everyone tunred around again, and in came a masked man to the room, and Scully couldn't believe it when she saw him, this man that came in with the mask.

He was the handsomest man everyone had ever seen in their lives and he was dressed just like a prince from a country that still had royalty, but from a long time ago, before she was born. All the girls were drooling at the sight of his long, lean swimmers body, his big lips and the beautiful hazel eyes that shone from behind his mask, that was almost as good as a pair of glasses.

With a squeal all the girls at the ball ran up to him, to try to get him to dance with them, but he shoved them all aside, and walked right up to Scully who was just sitting there in the corner, wishing Mulder was there. Scully stared up at him and couldn't believe how handsome he was in his white tights (they were not pantyhose) and his velvet cape.

Why, he could be just like Mulder, with his big lips and beautiful hazal eyes, she thought to herself, but didn't say anything out loud because she was just thinking.

"May I have this dance?" he asked, in a funny accent, that sounded like those people on the shows on the public TV stations, but better because he wasn't old and fat.

Scully didn't know what to say. Should she dance with someone who wasn't Mulder? She thought and thought and thought, and than said to herself, Mulder didn't want to come with me, so why not? Besides, a wire from her hoop skirt was starting to poke her in a bad place, so she had to get up anyway.

"Yes, you may," she answered and they went on the dance floor together and while they danced they both shined like two asteroids that came down from outer space and crashed onto earth and landed right in the middle of the Valentines Day FBI ball. Everyone was jealous of them and hated them for being so good-looking, but neither one of them noticed because they were having so much fun dancing together.

And while they danced, Scully saw Skinner, dressed as general in the army or the navy or something and he saluted them with a twinkle in his eye. He looks like he knows a secret, Scully thought, but she didn't say anything.

Out of the corner of her other eye, she saw Agent Pendrell, dressed in a hamster suit and he was crying really hard for some reason, but she didn't know why. In fact, everyone was staring at them, but all she knew is that while she was dancing with the best looking man at the ball, and she was the prettiest girl at the ball, it still wasn't the same as if Mulder were there and they were dancing together.

"You are the prettiest girl at the ball, my lady," said her dance partner, still using that funny accent, but it made him sound kinda sexy, like a guy from another country that wasn't the one they were in now.

"Thank you," replied Scully, bending down and making a little crusty. And they danced and danced while the music played overhead.

"In an mmmmbop they're gone,

In an mmmboy they don't care,

Until you lose your hair

But you don't care

(Repeat chorus)"

"In fact, since you are the prettiest girl here," said the man as they twirled around and around almost the whole night long. "Will you marry me?"

Scully's eyes almost pooped out of her head and she thought she would fall down right on the floor. "Marry you? I can't marry you. I'm in love with Mulder!"

But suddenly the man pulled his face off! It WAS Mulder who was dancing with her this whole time!

"It _is_ me Scully! It was me all the time who was dancing with you! Are you surprised?" yelled Mulder, his eyes twinkling and looking beautiful and hazel over his plump lips.

And suddenly the whole world became prettier than any movie and Scully started to cry, making her makeup kinda yucky, but she didn't care because she was so happy that the man in the white tights was Mulder. 

"Oh, Mulder! I was surprised. Oh, Mulder I love you so much!"

"And I love you too, Scully! But you didn't answer my question yet," he said, his voice turning deep and hussy. She looked up into his endless eyes, to the deep dark spots that were right in the middle of them that seemed to go on and on forever, like right into his brain.

"Will you marry me, Scully?" he got down on one nee and asked, pulling out a box from inside his tights and opening to reveal the biggest diamond in the whole wide world.

"Yes, I will!" she screamed and jumped up and down when he put the ring on her finger. Boy, now all the women at the FBI ball were _really_ jealous, but Scully didn't care because she was going to marry Mulder and they weren't.

"And guess what, Scully?" Mulder whispered in her perfect shell-like ear that was like a little dolls, but better because it was hers, "We can get married right now! I got the priest and everyone here."

"What?" screamed Scully, who was so surprised and happy her head was spinning around like the girl in the movie about the Devil. "Oh, Mulder!"

And so the man who was dressed like a priest, and really was a priest came up and suddenly Scully's mom came out from her hiding place and Skinner walked up and took Scully's mom's hand and suddenly Melissa came out from her hiding place and everyone screamed because they thought she was dead but she wasn't.

And then Queequag came out wearing a bow tie with two wedding rings in his mouth and everyone started to yell because they thought he was dead, but he wasn't and Agent Pendrell kept crying in his hamster suit until Holly came up and kissed him so he felt better that Agent Scully was going to marry someone else and not him.

And Krycek came in but Skinner shot him in the head so he couldn't ruin the weeding and then Scully's Dad was looking down on them from heaven and Scully knew he was there even though he was really dead and not going to come back like Queequag and Melissa did.

And then Scully walked up the aisle, in her beautiful white dress and Mulder started to cry because she was so beautiful and everyone else started to cry to, because they were so perfect together. They exchanged the rings and vowed to be married forever and ever and never get divorced and everyone cheered. Then the party really started and everyone danced happily, forever and ever and ever, just like at the end of Beauty and the Beast, but to different music with real people, not cartoon people.

"I'll love you forever, Scully," said Mulder, adoring her perfect face, even with her drippy makeup.

"And I'll love you too, Mulder," said Scully, loving him so much, even though he ripped his tights when he pulled out her box from them.

And they danced to the music that was playing together forever.

"Look at you, look at you baby

Look at you, look at you baby

Look at you, look at you baby

Ooooh, Wooooha, Wooooha, baby"

(Repeat Course)


	6. Crying in the Rain

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"I'll never let you see,  
The way my broken heart is hurting me,  
I've got my pride,  
And I know how to hide,  
All my sorrow and pain,  
I'll do my crying in the rain."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

__Scully was so excited at night when she married Mulder again.She was filled with the happiness of a thousand million billion butterflies flying away into the night.She wanted to sing but didn't because she was a really terribly terrible singer.Instead she went home to tell Mr. Happy about all of her adventures.He got bored and when to sleep when she explained everything about her vena cava ten times.Scully really wanted to go home with Mulder but she knew she couldn't because they had only known each other for like a few years but they had never kissed so she wanted to wait.And she had never been on a date with him so she thought that would be nice to.So then Mulder said, "Oh Scully what a lovely idea!I'll pick you up as soon as my cartoons are over!"

Scully was so happy that they were going on a date and she thought that it was really cute that Mulder still watched cartoons and she liked that in a man.

Before Scully knew it it was nine!She thought that was physically impossible, but then she remembered Mulder's throries on time loss and she thought that it might make sense, but then she realized it didn't because time was the only constant in the universe.But then she wondered: How do you define constant?How do we really know what constant is?If by constant you mean what we can see and feel—no wait.She didn't mean that.Actually, she didn't know what she meant, so she got the door instead.

It was their first date. Not really a date, but just two coworkers going out to see a movie and picking up some Chinese takeout afterwards. That was the story they would give anyone at the Bureau who found out, at least. But they both knew it was a date.

When Mulder picked Scully up at 7:00, he was amazed. "Gosh, Dana, you look beautiful!" She had teased her hair out and delicately frosted her eyes with cerulean blue shadow to match her eyes. Scully giggled and blushed as she pinned the pink corsage to her wrist, "Oh, Fox! You say the nicest things."

Mulder didn't even think to remind her that he preferred to be called Mulder. Somehow, the way Scully said "Fox" made it sound like the best name in the whole world.

They got to the theatre with lots of extra time to spare. Mulder amused Scully by mimicking the teenage boy in the box-office. "That'll be fourteen-fifty, please," he intoned. They got their popcorn and picked two seats in the back row. Later Scully would curse that back row with all her being.

The opening credits had just started, and Mulder was about to try to hold her hand, when suddenly someone shouted "Fire!" There was a mad dash for the exits, and they were each pushed out different exits. Dana waited at the doors for Mulder, but he never appeared. As smoke began to pour out of the building like molasses, Scully screwed up her courage and rushed into the burning building. The smoke was so thick that she couldn't see her hand in front of her face. Suddenly, she tripped over something soft. It was Mulder's head. He had been trampled by the crowd of people rushing for the exits.

"Fox, speak to me!" Scully yelled in terror. But he only moaned faintly.

Flames were licking at Scully's heels as she dragged Mulder from the raging inferno. "Help! Help! Is there a doctor around here?" Scully was so distressed that she forgot she was a doctor. Then she remembered. "Mulder! Can you hear me?" As she laid him down under a streetlight, she could see the horrible bruises all over his face. There was blood coming out of his nose. "Mulder, you have to wake up!" Soon, an ambulance took him away from her. Scully followed in her car, weeping softly.

The next morning, Scully sat by Mulder's hospital bed. He was in a deep comma, and the doctors said that they thought that he wouldn't ever wake up. Scully hadn't stopped crying all night, except for a few minutes of sleep that she got on the trip to the hospital. "Fox, how can I live without you? Why did I say I wanted to go see George of the Jungle? I knew you wanted to see Spawn! If I hadn't made you go see George of the Jungle, you would still be awake! It's all my fault!" she wailed as the tears silently streamed down her face. It started to rain outside.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"If I wait for cloudy skies,  
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes,  
You'll never know that I still love you so,  
So thought the heartaches remain,  
I'll do my crying in the rain."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Five years later, the mother superier at the convent where Scully had gone to in her grief told her that she had a phone call. Scully picked up the phone. "Scully, it's me, Frohike." Scully had to hold the phone away as she started to cry. All she could think about was the person who always used to call her and say 'Scully, it's me'. After five years, she still blamed herself for her partner's comma.

"What it it, Frohike?" she asked once she got her grief under control.

"Haven't you been watching the news?"

"I gave up all those worldly things five years ago."

"Well, turn on the news right now!" Scully turned on the television in the mother superier's office. It was a Sony Trinitron with an infra-red remote control. The Supreme Commander of the Alien Forces that were attacking earth was on the screen.

"Oh my God! That's Samantha!" Scully was stunned. Samantha, still nine years old, was dressed in army fateags and a black helmet. She was telling the people of Earth to surender or her army would destroy the whole planet. "We've got to stop her!"

Scully bought a ticket for Washinton D.C. right away and flew there. That was where the alien ship had landed, right next to the hospital where Mulder lay inside in a comma. Scully knocked on the ship's door. "I want to talk to Samantha!" She shouted. Just then, she saw Samantha slip out the back door of the spaceship and run into the hospital. Scully pulled out her gun and followed Samantha. She chased Samantha all the way up the stairs and through a lot of corridors, until she chased her right into Mulder's room. "Stop!" she yelled.

Samantha had picked up the commatoes Mulder from the bed and was about to carry him out of the room. She was a really strong nine year old. "Let me go, Scully, or I'll kill him!"

"What do you want with Mulder? Leave him alone! He has nothing to do with your evil plans for complete global domination of the universe, Samantha!" Scully felt the edge of panic rise dramatically in her voice.

Just then, Mulder woke up from his comma. "Samantha!" he said. "You're alive!"

"Thats' where you're wrong, Scully!" the evil little girl chuckled, ignoring Mulder's exclamation. "Mulder is my brother, and so we both share our mother's DNA. Our mother was an alien! With Fox, I can build an army of clones to take over the whole galaxy! Now out of my way!" She pushed Scully, making her drop her gun, but Scully still blocked her from going out the door. Samantha raised her ray gun and fired it at Scully. She screamed and fell down, clutching her shoulder. "Oooof!"

"Scully!" yelled Mulder. He was still too weak from his comma to struggle against the evil alien Samantha. Instinctively, Fox grabbed the first thing he saw and threw it at Samantha. It was the vase of flowers that Scully had brought Mulder when he first went into the comma. The flowers had long ago died, but the nurses had continued to change the water in the vase. The water splashed all over Samantha. She screamed and her skin started to bubble and smoke. "Ahhhhh! I'm melting!" She dropped Mulder.

Mulder stood back and watched as the alien highbrid clone of his sister dissolved into a bubbling goop. "You should take baths for often," he said dryly.

Mulder remembered Scully and rushed over to try to save her. She was bleeding from her wound where the fake Samantha had shot her in the stomach. "Scully, Scully, speak to me!"

"Mulder, you're alive!" she whispered back. "It was all my fault that you were trampled and almost died and were in a comma for five years! But now that I have you back, I have to go. Oh Mulder, it's like some cruel trick played by fate on us!" Her voice was getting weaker and weaker.

"No Scully, you have to LIVE." wailed Mulder. "I thought about you all this time I was in the comma. For five years I've been trying to figure out how to say this... Scully, I love you!"

But Scully was lying lifeless on the floor. Mulder howled in his grief. He collapsed in hysterical sadness.

"Mulder...." He turned to see that Scully wasn't dead yet! "Oh Scully, I thought you were dead!"

"Not yet," she said. "Your sister...if only I had believed in your crazy theories about aliens and all that stuff, maybe I could have done something. We could have brought her out of the Evil Alien Army!" Her voice was so weak that he could hardly hear her. "But now she's dead and it's all my fault!"

"No Scully, that wasn't the real Samantha. The real Samantha wouldn't have dissolved when I poured water on her. That was an alien hybrid clone."

"Oh Mulder! Alien hybrid clones? Now really!" Scully joked. Then she died.

"Noooooooooooooooooo!" Mulder moaned. "Scully, you can't die. How can I ever live without you! Scuuuuuuuuuuully! I love you!" But there was no answer. He picked up her lifeless body and put it on the hospital bed that he had been on for five years while he was in a comma.

He was just about to ring the buzzer for a nurse when Scully stirred one last time. "Mulder, I have to tell you...about our child!" Her voice was the faintest whisper.

"Scully, we can't have a child! We never..." He blushed at the thought.

"Yes we do, Mulder. While you were in the comma, I was artificially inseminated with your baby. I thought you were almost dead! I needed something to remind you by. So I had your baby."

"Oh Scully!" Mulder's eyed filled with tears. Scully had loved him so much, and he had been so blind! If only they had gotten together when they first met, instead of going on a date after working together for four years!

"Your son... he's at the convent. You must go find him, Mulder! Oh Mulder, I lov..." But before she could finish, Scully died.

Mulder waited around for a while to make sure she was dead. "Oh Scully! You're dead! You can't be dead! I love you!" His voice cracked with emotion, as it started to rain outside.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Raindrops falling from heaven,  
Could never wash away my misery,  
But since we're not together,  
I'll wait for stormy weather,  
to hide these tears I hope you'll never see."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

The next day Mulder left for Florida. That was where the convent was that Scully had lived in for the five years that Mulder had been in a comma. He was waiting at the bus stop to take the bus to the convent where all the nuns lived. Suddenly, Cancer man saw him. He had retired to Florida after Mulder had gone into the comma. "Mulder! He's out of the comma! He must be here to kill me for setting fire to that movie theatre five years ago! But I never intended for him to get trampled and go into a comma. I was trying to kill the alien in the front row who was there to kill Mulder and Scully. But now Mulder is alive and awake and Scully is dead and now Mulder is here to kill me!" He didn't know that Mulder was there to see his baby that Scully had by artificial insemination while he was in a comma for five years. So he thought that Mulder had hunted him down to kill him.

"Even though he is my son, I must kill him to save myself!" Cancer man silently pondered to himself as he lit a cigarette. He raised his gun to shoot Mulder who was waiting at the bus stop for the bus. But all of a sudden, Cancer man was shot by Krichek!

"I won't let you shoot Mulder, old man," said Krichek to the dying Cancer man "I have plans for Mulder, old man. Your time is over. Your number is up. Your train is at the station and your bucket's been kicked. Mwaaaaahaaaaaa!" Krichek laughed sinisterly.

Mulder had been oblivious to all this, but he noticed when Krichek shot Cancer man. "Oh no! Krichek!" Mulder thought in fear. "He must be here to hurt my baby!" Luckily, the bus came and Mulder got on. "That was close. I can't let Krichek find out where my baby is living at the convent where Scully stayed for the five years that I was in a comma." Mulder didn't notice that Krichek followed the bus silently on a high-powered motorcycle.

Mulder got to the convent. It was old and covered with ivy. He knocked on the door and an old woman answered. She was the mother superior at the convent where Scully had stayed while Mulder was in a comma for five years. She was very old and wise looking. "You must be Mulder" she said. "I knew you would be coming someday. I see you got out of your comma. It must be God's will." She was a very pious old lady.

"Yes, I'm here to see my baby!" Mulder said breathlessly.

"Oh, he's not a baby anymore. He's four years and three months old now" That was because Scully had been pregnant for nine months and altogether that made five years, which was how long Mulder had been in the comma.

"What is his name?" said Mulder excitedly.

"His name is Fox Junior. He's in the nursery. Follow me."

Mulder followed her and they went to the convent nursery. There was a little boy there all alone. He was the only child in the nursery. He looked up when Mulder came in. "Papa!" he cried. "I knew you would come!"

Mulder looked at his son. He looked so much like Mulder and Scully that it made his heart ache. But he looked a lot like someone else too, and Mulder tried to figure out who it was. Then it struck him like a bolt of lightening. Fox Junier looked like Krichek!

Just then, Krichek came into the nursery. "I guess you are wondering why your son looks like you and Scully but also looks like me too" he said. "I can explain that."

"I wish you would" Mulder said, dumbfounded. "You better not be here to hurt him, Krichek!"

"I would never dream of hurting.. my nefew!" Krichek said. Mulder gasped! "Yes" said Krichek, "Fox Junier is my nefew and you are my half-brother!"

"But how can that be?" Mulder said in amazement.

"We have the same father! Cancerman was my father, and yours too. And so Fox Junier is my nefew. I found this out five years ago, when you went into the comma. When I found it out, I realised that I couldn't work for the people who were trying to kill you any more. You are my brother! So I've been watching over you and Scully and Fox Junior all the time you were in that comma for five years. I'm on your side now."

Mulder was suspishis about Kricheks intenshens. But he could see the family resemblanse. "Then why did you shoot at me at the bus stop?"

"I didn't shoot at you. I shot Cancer man. He was about to shoot you."

"You saved my life?" Mulder asked surprisedly. "Then I guess I do believe you after all."

Just then, Fox Junior came up to Mulder. "Daddy, he's telling the truth. Mamma told me all about this last night in my dream. She said we should all try to get along, and that Uncle Krichek wasn't trying to hurt us. OK, Daddy?" Mulder looked into Fox Junior's big blue eyes, which looked just like Scully's beautiful blue eyes, and he knew that Fox Junior and Krichek were telling the truth. "Alright, Krichek, I believe you. You are my brother!"

"Yes Mulder," Krichek intoned. "Although you have lost a sister, you have gained a brother. And I have decided to devote my life to helping you find Samantha, our sister. Together, maybe we can find her."

Scully's angel watched over the scene and smiled sadly. While she could not be with Mulder, she could help him from the astral plain. With hers and Kricheks and Skinners and everybody else's' help, and with Cancer man dead and not obstructing Mulder's search anymore, they just might succeed.Then her dead body appeared by Mulder as he was visiting the hospital room where she died.She was still there and to her amazement she hadn't died!She pooped right up and yelled "SUPRISE!" he almost died of a heart attack but didn't because he was in the hospital.

"But Scully, you're—"

"No Mulder, I just wanted to psyche you out—PSYCHE!"

Then Mulder laughed because, hey, she was bitchy and she was a freak!

"Oh Scully, I just love it when you pretend to be dead and you're really not!" he said as he hugged her but he was really just glad that she was alive and that Fox Junior went to college that day.They both went back to the FBI too and lived happily ever after.Well, they would have, but the story isn't done yet.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Someday when my crying's done,  
I'm going to wear a smile and walk in the sun,  
I may be a fool but till then darling you'll  
Never see me complain,  
I'll do my crying in the rain."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_


	7. Just Like a Prayer

"Scully!" Mulder said. Scully turned around. She had been standing on the side of the train tracks, wondering why Mulder had brought her here. She had also been wondering about their life. How much longer could they go on like this, with their hearts full of longing, their heads full of longing too?

"What is it?" Scully replied. Mulder was holding something under his long trench coat. Scully paused to think about how handsome he was. She didn't do that very often, because she knew it would throw her into a frenzied fit of depression, and she would pine after him. The way a maple tree pines for the spring, when the sap will throb through its tree branches and finally burst into little wooden tubs at the bottom.

"So what do you think?" Mulder asked. He opened his arms to reveal a wriggling bundle of wriggles. It was a little dog with an alert, but furry face. It was a black and tan beagle in a black jacket marked F.B.I. It was so cute, Scully thought she would bust a gut.

"Oh, Mulder! Oh, Mulder!" she exclaimed. "Is it for me?" She took the dog from him. The dog licked her face. "Bark!" it said.

"Actually, it is for both of us," Mulder replied. "It is from Skinner. It is our new partner. It will sniff things." Mulder smiled. He wished it could be him, wriggling and licking her face. He loved her so much. At least, now they had something they could both love and care for. They could also give it baths.

"Ooooooh!" said Scully. "What is it called?" 

"Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox," answered Mulder. "I named her after all of our kids."

Scully took Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox home. Mulder thought about how much he loved her. He went home too. And in the next year, they all grew really close.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"__When you call my name_

_It's like a little prayer_

_I'm down on my knees_

_I wanna take you there"_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

"Mulder!" Scully said. Mulder was still sleepy. He had been asleep, that was why. He rolled over in his spacious waterbed and looked at the clock: 11:21.

"What is it, Scully?" he said into the phone, because Scully had called him on the phone.

"Mulder, we're on a case. Down by the train tracks. Me and Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder, we need you!" Scully answered. "We're trapped in a big hole and there's a chance the killer will find us. Mulder, please!"

"I am on my way!" Mulder exclaimed. "Oh, no, oh, no," he thought. "Please don't let anything happen to Scully," he prayed. "I love her. I have always loved her, and I must tell her." He went to the train tracks really fast.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"__In the Midnight hour_

_I can feel your power_

_Just like a prayer you know_

_I'll take you there."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Scully held on tight to Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox . They were trapped in the big hole. Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox had been sniffing the trail and stumbled down into the big hole. Scully fell in the big hole too. It was deep. She was scared to get out because the killer was nearby! He might be close!

"Oh, Mulder," she said into Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox's furry neck. "I know you will come and save us." She thought about all the good times they had spent together. How Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder had brought them close. She remembered when they set off the pesticide bomb in her apartment when Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox had the mange. They had to get away from the flea bomb, and Mulder had held Scully tight as they ran quickly away. As they fleed the fleas, Scully had held Mulder tight too.

"Oh, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox ," Scully said. She said it quietly lest the killer should hear. "What should I do? I must tell him how I feel. Just talking to him made me feel better. How long before he comes to us? I need him Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox,. You know that."

Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox did not say anything, but she lifted her intelligent head and stared intensely at the top of the hole. It was like she actually understood or something.

"What is it, girl?" Scully enquired. Just then she saw a familiar head pop like a weasel over the side of the hole. "Mulder!" she said.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"I hear your voice_

_It's like an angel sighing_

_I have no choice_

_I hear your voice."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Mulder was so glad to hear Scully's voice. "Scully!" he said. _"Angel!"_ he thought. He helped her climb out of the hole. "Are you all right?" he asked. She was trembling like a leaf on a hot tin roof.

"Oh, Mulder," she answered, falling over into his strong manly arms. "I thought I had lost you. Forever."

"Oh Scully," he said, wrapping his arms around her like a faux fur coat, "I love...I mean, I love knowing that you are safe." She lifted her eyes inquiringly. He lowered his questioningly. Just as their lips were about to meet in a moment of fiery bliss and passionateableness, something happened.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"Feels like flying_

_I close my eyes_

_Oh God I think I'm falling"_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

"Quick, Scully, we have to get on the train!" They had seen the psycho leap onto the train as it began to pull out of the station. I guess he had gotten on while they were lost in each others' loving glances.

"Mulder I can't" Scully said as she ran alongside the train trying to catch his hand and get on. Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox lept up on the train and barked, full of encouragement.

"Yes, you can!" He said, with feeling. She did.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"Out of the sky_

_I close my eyes_

_Heaven help me"_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Scully closed her eyes as Mulder held her close again. "Ah," she thought.

Mulder said, "Scully, will you marry me?"

"Oh yes, Mulder! Oh, yes! Oh, Yes, yes, yes!"she exclaimed as they ran through the train checking the passengers to see if any of them looked anything like the pyscho killer they were pursuing so swiftly even though she was already married to him but it didn't matter.Then he gave her a baggie full of cheerios to show his love.It didn't really mean anything, but again, it's part of the title.Scully was a little mad that they weren't frosted but she loved Mulder so much that it didn't matter. And besides, what's wrong with a whole grain relationship?

All of a sudden, Mulder stopped. And said, "Let's do it." He turned to Scully as the train canteened back and forth over the tracks. But Mulder did not let the canteening of the train keep him from standing tall as he turned to Scully and said:

"I, Mulder, take thee, Scully..."

Scully thought she would cry. It was not how she had always imagined her wedding. She and her best friend, who was also named Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox, like the dog. They would storm down the aisle together in a cloud of white. And Mulder would await at the altar, so handsome in his jacquard tuxedo. Like a beautiful antique couch. With Director Skinner as his best man, but wearing a different tux. Oh, she had thought it would all be so different.

"I, Scully, take thee, Mulder..." she said. As they finished their vows, Mulder plucked a white rose from a load of flowers in the baggage rack. He cried as he put it in her beautiful hair. Her suit was green, not white, but to him she looked just like the angel bride of his dreams.

"I now pronounce us man and wife," he said. "Congratulations, Mrs. Mulder." Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox barked. They both laughed. "I guess that makes you Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder now, doesn't it, girl?"

Just then they heard a laugh! It was the psycho! Only, it wasn't a psycho, it was Krychick.

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"Like a child you whisper softly to me_

_You're in control just like a child_

_Now I'm dancing"_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

"So, Mulder," Krychik said. He was whispering, softly. "You thought you could capture me. But it is I who will capture YOU. I will hunt you and your new wife down, forever. You will never be free now. You knew that I wanted Scully. Now you have denied me this precious pearl, who shone like a diamond in my dreams with her ruby lips and emerald eyes! Farewell, Mulder, until we meet again!" And Krychik jumped off the train, leaving Mulder and Scully staring after him, paralyzed stiff.

"Oh, no!" Scully said. "What shall we do!"

Mulder turned to her. He looked really sad. "I have to follow him, Scully, you know that," he said.

"No, Mulder, no! What about our wedding night?" Scully said. She looked really sad too. Her whole face was twisting in the wind of grief, but Mulder thought she had never looked more prettier.

"We will have our wedding night when I return, Scully. And I will return. Wherever you go, I will find you, if it takes a thousand years. I will always be with you, Scully. With you and Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder. In your heart. And you will be in my heart, too, Scully. And on my mind. Always on my mind, Scully. It's like a dream, no end and no beginning. You'll be here with me, like a dream, so let the choir sing, Scully. Let it sing," he said.

And he jumped off the train into a passing waterfall.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Just like a prayer, _

_Your voice can take me there_

_Just like a muse to me_

_You are a mystery_

_Just like a dream_

_You are not what you seem."___

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Five years went by. That meant that Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder was now seven, which in human years meant she was somewhere between 28 and 42, depending on how you calculate it. Since she was a smallish dog, it was probably on the lower end, and that made it 35. So, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder was about 35. Maybe less, because she was in really good shape, but she also ate a lot of doughnuts, so maybe not. But Scully felt older.

She was sitting down by the train tracks. She went there a lot, when she and Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder were not working on cases. It was "their" place, and she would think about her lost husband Mulder. Everyone thought he was dead.

"But he's been dead before," she would say to Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder, "and that didn't stop him!"

She thought about their past lives. She now completely accepted all of Mulder's wild theories and ideas. She completely and totally believed that they had lived before, except she knew that it was her, not Melissa, who had waited for him wearing a southern accent and a dress.

She knew that Mulder had probably seeked her desperately many a time in the olden days. She pictured him running through the woods looking for her with no shirt on. She sighed.

She thought about that old movie, Anna Careenina, where the lady threw herself at the train. She felt sad like that right now. She despaired, quietly.

"Maybe he never will return to me, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder," she said. Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder, as ever, didn't say anything. But she looked sad too. Then she sniffed something.

And Scully thought she heard a voice inside her head, a voice crying with the desperation of a man who has reached the end of his rope and hung himself with it. "Scully, I need you to come to me and not give up on me because I will always love you, so follow my voice!" it shouted.

"Mulder?" she replied. There was nobody around, but she had heard the voice. Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder looked at Scully. If she could of talked, Scully felt certain that Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder would have told Scully to follow her heart, to find her man, to listen to the voice inside her head. Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder was Scully's very best friend.

"You're right, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder." Scully stood up, and looked down the train tracks. The wind caressed her like a buttermilk on an ulcer. "I must go to him. I must find him. I will never give up on him, but Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder, he needs us. And I need him. He's my muse, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder, my mystery, my dream. His voice will take me there, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder. I WILL find, him. Oh yes, I WILL."

Her beautiful red hair whipped around her, her green dress whipped too. She gathered Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder into her arm, and with the other arm raised her hand to the sky.

"As God is my witness," she vowed,"I will never lose Mulder again!"

It was just like a prayer.


	8. The Spice Files: A Kibbles "Wham Bam" Sp...

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"'Cause tonight is the night when two become one  
I need some love like I never needed love before  
(Wanna make love to ya baby)  
I had a little love, now I'm back for more  
(Wanna make love to ya baby)  
Set your spirit free, it's the only way to be."_

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~___

It was the night before Valentine's Day, and Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully ironically thought that this was very ironic (especially because there are so many plot holes because it's been Valentine's Day about...three times now?Yes, that's ironically ironic.)She pondered the five years that had passed since we left her (except that she didn't know anyone was reading about her of course),and then she leaned over to adjust the volume on the car radio. At this very moment she thought, as she often did, how much her life was like a Spice Girls song.

"Oh, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder," she whispered to her constant canine companion Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder (a Beagle), who sat alertly wearing a special doggie seat belt. "Can it be that it has been five years since I last saw my beloved Fox William Mulder? Five years since he jumped off the train and landed in a waterfall? Five years since we sort of got married but not really?"

Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder didn't say anything. But Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder was a dog so Scully would of been pretty surprised if she had said anything. It was a rhetorical question. Scully sighed again and kept driving with her hands on the whell at ten and two just like she had learned in driver's ed class so many years before. She was driving, driving long into the distance that stretched before her like an unwound Slinky. She had finally gotten a clue. About Mulder's whereabouts. And so she was driving off to the South, land of romantic belles and handsome men, hoping to find her own Red Butler, that is to say Fox WIlliam Mulder. And Krychek, but not because she wanted to kiss him or anything.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"I didn't want to hear it then but  
I'm not ashamed to say it now,  
Every little thing you said and did was right for me,  
I had a lot of time to think about,  
about the way I used to be,  
Never had a sense of my responsibility."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Far away, Mulder sat alone in his hotel room, eating Chinese food and wearing jeans and a white shirt. He was singing along with the radio. (He had the radio on.) Sadness welled up in him and threatened to burst over the Hoover Dam of his iron will.

"Oh Scully," he said, softly. "I really HAVE had time to think about you. How I wish I had told you that I loved you before I had to jump off the train and into a waterfall." Like Scully (even though he didn't know it!) he thought his life was like a song by the Spice Girls. He figured that's why he liked Ginger Spice so much, because she looked exactly like Scully.

If only he could catch Krychek. He had spent the last five years doing all kinds of stuff, really dangerous mostly, trying to track down that wiley coyote. "Maybe tomorrow," he said. To nobody in particular.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Last time that we had this conversation  
I decided we should be friends  
Yeah,  
but now we're going round in circles,  
tell me will this deja vu never end? Oh  
Now you tell me that you've fallen in love,  
well I never ever thought that would be  
This time you gotta take it easy  
throwing far too much emotions at me."_

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~___

It was the next day. Scully turned off the car radio, opened the car door and got out of the car. Then she let Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder out of the car. They were in a rest area and she was looking around for the dog run. Just then, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder began to growl and strane at the leash.

"Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder! Now, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder!" said Scully loudly. "Bad dog!" But because Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder was never a bad dog, Scully stopped. And said, "Mr. Skinner!"

(Because it was Mr. Walter Skinner, her boss.)

"Agent Scully!" He said. " There you are."

"Yes here I am!" she said cheerfully. Seeing Mr. Skinner always made her feel good, because he was so nice. She thought he was the perfect boss. But she still didn't know what he was doing.

Mr. Skinner looked nervous, almost like he was going to puke or something. So Scully said "Mr. SKinner, are you alright? Maybe we should sit down over there at the picnic tables by the porta-potties, if the mosquitoes aren't too bad." So they did.

"Agent Scully," said Mr. Skinner. "Would you like an M&M?"

"Yes, thank you," she replied politely. Scully chewed on the M& M as Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder sat nearby and kept a watchful eye on Mr. Skinner.

"I have something to tell you, Agent Scully." Mr. Skinner said sadly. He really looked sick now and Scully wondered if that M&M had been a bad idea.

"What is it?" Scully said questioningly.

"It is Agent Mulder. Agent Scully, I think Agent Mulder is dead. I'm almost 95% sure," he told her.

"Oh no!" Agent Scully said. " He's not dead. He's just in Georgia."

Mr. Skinner looked sadder than ever, like someone had just killed his pet weasel, Fred. "Agent Scully, I know this is hard for you. But you have to face the facts. Agent Mulder is dead and I love you."

"You love me?" said Agent Scully. And "Mulder is not dead!"

"Yes, I love you, Agent Scully. But I know that you have always loved Agent Mulder. I know that I'm bald and kind of old, but do you think you could ever love me back and maybe we could get married? That would make me happy," Skinner said quickly.Scully remembered her dream and shuddered at the thought of marrying Mr. Skinner.She shuddered inwardly and not outwardly because if she shuddered outwardly he might see and that would be kind of mean.But just kind of because he was ugly.

"Mr. Skinner, you are so sweet. But I love Agent Mulder. And I know he is alive. And I am going to find him now. But you are the nicest boss I have ever had. And you're really cute (but not really). So cheer up!" Scully said as nicely as possible because she felt sick because she said he was cute. She patted him on the shoulder. "Well, OK, Agent Scully, even if you don't love me, you know I would do anything for you, and I will help you find Agent Mulder. Can I have a hug?" said Skinner.

"Sure!" said Scully. And she hugged him but it was just like friends.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Yellow man in Timbuktu,  
Can't afford both me and you,  
Kung-fu fighting, dancing queen,  
Tribal Spaceman and all that's in between."_

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~___

Agent Mulder tapped his foot to the rhythm of the music as he sat on his car eating Chinese food and waiting for Krychek to show his sinister but handsome face. It made it kind of hard for him to listen for things, but he didn't mind.

Just then Kyrcheck appeared!

(It was outside a big building. Somewhere in Atlanta, Georgia.)

Krychek walked out the door and Mulder pulled his sunglasses down onto his face.

"Hey!" snarled Krychek. "Why did you just pull my sunglasses down into my face."

"Because I'm tired of you!" snarled Mulder. He had of course gotten off of the car by now. He pulled his own sunglasses up off of his face.

"Mulder!" snarled Krychek. "Fancy meeting you here!"

"Don't be so witty, Kyrchek!" snarled Mulder. "You are going to jail!" And he pulled out his gun! From his pants!

"I don't think so!" snarled Krychek. "Everybody thinks you are DEAD! I called the FBI and told them so! Ha! Ha-hah! Give it up Mulder! For soon you WILL be dead! Because I am going to kill you Mulder! Ha! You're going to dance to MY tune now, Mulder! And it isn't a very good song!"

Mulder was going to shoot Krychek, but decided against it. Which was kind of bad because Krychek karate-chopped him and knocked him out just then.Just like Buz Lightyear!

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,  
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,  
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really  
really really wanna zigazig ha."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

"What do you want for lunch, Mr. Skinner?" said Scully. They were really close to Atlanta now. They had been singing along to the radio. Except that Scully had just broken his heart and Mulder might be dead, Mr. Skinner was having a really good time.

"How about we go to a diner that I know about on Main Street? I go there when I visit my aunt who lives in Atlanta. She lives at 3457 Peachtree Street and her name is Mable."

"Sounds good!" said Scully. Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder barked and they laughed at her. Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder barked again and they laughed again. Then Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder barked a third time, and Scully noticed something very strange.

There was another car on the road!

What was even weirder was that Krychek was in it which Scully then pointed out to Mr. Skinner.

"Follow that car!" he said loudly. And Scully did.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Love is blind , as far as the eye can see  
Deep and meaningless , words to me  
Easy lover , I need a friend  
Road to nowhere, twists and turns but will this never end  
Well my dear , you'll know that he pleases me  
But sometimes illusion ain't no revolution  
That ain't no release for me."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Mulder couldn't see anything. This would have worried him a lot if he hadn't been blindfolded. So he was pretty upset but it wasn't like he was blind or anything. He didn't like being tied up either, but what are you going to do?

"This is it, Mulder!" Krychek said nastily. The car stopped. "You're on a road to nowhere, trucking directly into oblivion, my dear Mulder. And there will be no little orange cones to stop me from taking you exactly where I want you to go! Get ready for the big detour in the sky!" And he laughed in a really nasty way before turning off the radio, hitting Mulder again and dragging him out of the car.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"If you want my future forget my past,  
If you wanna get with me better make it fast,  
Now don't go wasting my precious time,  
Get your act together we could be just fine."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Scully turned off the radio because she and Mr. Skinner were going to try and sneak into the building where they had seen Krychek drag the helpless Mulder through the big steel doors that had clanged shut with a big noise that reminded Scully of the last scene of a scary movie. A really scary movie.

"Okay," said Mr. Skinner. "Agent Scully, You go in after me. This has to be fast. Since Mulder is not, in fact, dead, we'll go and rescue him."

"Right," said Scully agreeably. She took out her gun and said "Are you ready, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder?"

Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder nodded her dog head.

They opened the car and moved aorund it in a really sneaky way, like three stealth bombers flying through the quiet street but not dropping any bombs because then it would be too loud...figuratively speaking...like it was real or something. Then, just as they reached the door, Mr. Skinner kicked it in.No, actually he tried to run into it to see if it was locked and ended up running into it because, hey!It was locked!

"I'm a Shoiman Tank!" he yelled as he ran full speed into the door.It was locked.

When he pulled away his eyebrow was bruised and would be like that for like, about a week, but he didn't know that, only Rachel did..and all of Rachel's friends.Especially Noelle.Scully thought that Skinner looked like Noelle and she wanted to kick the door in but she was laughing too hard because she thought that only Noelle could me dumb enough to run into a locked door.But skinner did too.Then Scully wondered how she knew things about Rachel's life that only Rachel and her friends did.It started to creepily creep her out (especially because Rachel was a creepilly creepy person and she learned some things about her that scared her).Scully would have to think more about this Rachel person later, but she got confused and decided to kick the door instead because whe was confused and Rachel decided that they needed to get on with the plot anyways.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Too much of something is bad enough  
But something's coming over me to make me wonder  
Too much of nothing is just as tough  
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied"_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Just before the door came crashing in and Mr. Skinner and Scully came storming in through the door like a couple of small thunderbolts, Mulder had been thinking about the song that was playing on the radio in the window in the building next door, which just happened to be what he was hearing as he sat, blindfolded, in a room he couldn't even see.

He thought, "All these years I've been searching for Krychek because I knew I had too, but I have missed Scully so much. Maybe I have been working too hard." He knew that sometimes he had kind of ignored Scully even though he really liked her. He promised hisself that when this was all over, (if he survived that is) then he would cherish her like the fragile, beautiful flower that she was to him. He would hold her close to him the way he had always dreamed of, finding a way to express his deepest love as he gazed unto her limped eyes and felt her tremble against him like a naked baby bird that falls out of its nest and squeaks a lot.

All of a sudden, Scully and Mr. Skinner came hurtling through the door like two footballs that have been thrown really hard.

"You!" said Krychek. "And you!"

"That's right!" said Mr. Skinner. "Eat lead!"

"Wait!" said Scully. She and Mr. Skinner had their guns trained on Krychek so of course he was too scared to move. "This man may have a lot of valuable information, Mr. Skinner. For the good of our country, we have to let him live."

"All right." said Mr. Skinner, sadly. "Because I love my country very much I will let him live." Mr. Skinner was really patriotic, just like Mulder and Scully.

"Hah! Sucker!" said Krychek meanly. So Scully clobbered him with her gun.

Meanwhile, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder was chewing through Mulder's ropes.

"Mulder!"said Scully. She started untying his blindfold.

"Oh, Scully!" gasped Mulder. "Is it really you?"

"Of course," she said happily. "What, are you blind, Mulder?"

"As a matter of fact, I am," he said sadly.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"I wrapped myself from around your finger  
Hold me too tight or left to linger  
Something fine built to last  
Slipped up there I guess we're running out of time too fast."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Scully sat sadly in the little diner around the corner from the building where they had found Mulder and Krychek. She was so sad. She was crying. And as she cried, the jukebox in the corner played.

Somehow, Mulder really HAD gone blind from having the blindfold on him. She didn't mind so much but Mulder seemed to be pretty upset about it. So now she was really upset too, because Mulder said he didn't want to be with her. What was she going to do? And what was Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder going to do? Because Mulder didn't want to be with her either.

And how could she live without Mulder? Should she just kill herself? Well, of course not but she felt like it. After all, she had thought she and Mulder would finally get married, for real this time, not on a train but in a church with her favorite brother Bill giving her away and being so proud. Or maybe Mr. Skinner would like to give her away. He was sad that Scully didn't want to marry him, but he would get over it. So he'd probably like that a lot.

But now none of that was going to happen. And Scully knew she could no more forget Mulder than she could forget her phone number.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Back then I didn't know why,  
why you were misunderstood,  
So now I see through your eyes,  
all that you did was love."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

"Look, Agent Mulder. I know you're blind," said Mr. Skinner. "But can't you see that Agent Scully loves you no matter what?"

"I can't see anything, Mr. Skinner. That's the problem." said Mulder sadly. "I can't even see the pocket radio that I happen to be listening to."

"Well, I can see, and I can see that she loves you. And let me tell you, Agent Mulder, that _I_ love Agent Scully." said Mr. Skinner.

"Why are you telling me this?" said Mulder curiously.

"Because I want you to see what a great girl Agent Scully really is, Agent Mulder. How you're throwing away the greatest chance of your life like it was some kind of used plastic sandwich bag. I would do ANYTHING to win Agent Scully's hand in marriage, but it's you she loves, Agent Mulder." said Skinner. "Damn!"

"You know, when you put it that way, it does seem pretty dumb of me not to love her back. If she still loves me, I should love her. I should. Thank you, Mr. Skinner, for helping me see. I hope you will be the best man at our wedding." said Mulder.

"I'd like that" said Skinner.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Silly games that you were playing,  
empty words we both were saying,  
Let's work it out boy, let's work it out boy,  
Any deal that we endeavor,  
Boys and girls feel good together,  
Take it or leave it, take it or leave it  
Are you as good as I remember baby,  
get it on, get it on,  
'Cause tonight is the night when two become one."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

"Hi, Scully." said Agent Mulder. Scully looked up at him as stood by her booth.

"Hi." said Scully. "Won't you sit down?" And he did, but very carefully, since he couldn't see.

"Scully, I've been thinking. About us. About what I said. And I think...I think..." said Mulder. He dropped his head. "Oh, Scully, let's work it out. Please. Dana Katherine Scully, can we get married?"

"Oh Mulder! Oh, Fox WIlliam Mulder!" said Scully happily. She reached over to grasp his hand. "I don't care if you're blind! I wouldn't even care if you were ugly! I love you always and forever! I want to be your wife!"

"Oh Scully!" Mulder said. He looked so happy, like a man who has just been given a hole lot of money, tax-free. Or like a puppy, when it was offered a milkbone or a snausage or a piece of meat. Not chicken, because you aren't supposed to give a dog chicken bones. But then again, chicken is poultry, so it didn't really matter. Of course he couldn't see how happy he looked. But Scully could.

"Scully, would you like to dance?" Mulder said queryingly.

"Oh, yes!" said Scully. And so they got up and began to dance to the music coming from the jukebox. From across the room, Mr. Skinner and Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder both smiled. Mr. Skinner was sad a little bit, but he was happy too, because he thought being a best man would be very nice. He figured he could get over Agent Scully, especially since he liked Agent Mulder so much. Maybe he could find somebody more his own age. He really liked Agent Scully's Mom, now that he thought of it, and he decided to call her next week.

Mulder was just thinking about how much he would like to see Scully. He could smell her strawberry-scented hair, and could feel the soft silk of her tailored suit as they happily danced. If only he could look down and see her emerald eyes sparkling at him with thier very special sparkle, the one that made him go all tingly inside, like his heart had been struck by a manta ray.

But then, at the *exact* moment he was thinking those thoughts, he realized that he COULD see Scully, and that her eyes really WERE sparkling up at him, and he really was getting that manta ray feeling all over again!!!

"Oh Scully!!!!!" he said excitedly. "I can SEE!"

"Oh Mulder," she said happily. "Happy Valentine's Day!"


	9. Precious Moments

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

It was a cold, dark and stormy night in the street outside the hospital where Fox Mulder lay in a bed, with leaves blowing like tumbleweeds in a hot summer street. Suddenly, Scully burst into the room, almost knocking over an orderly named Bob who was almost finishing rolling a cart of a meal that Mulder didn't eat because he was subconscious. "Hey watch out!" said Bob in his confusion.

Mulder woke up and he was glad to see Scully although he hadn't really missed her since he didn't know he was in the hospital. "Good heavens," said Scully, putting her coffee with two creams and one Equal on the dingy table next to the phone. "I went to Room 1310 instead of room 1013 by mistake, making me think that you had been abducted by one of your enemies," Scully gasped.

"Scully, why am I here this time?" Mulder asked pleadingly, bursting into tears as he always did when he was confused or upset. Mulder was always in the hospital from getting shot or infected or frostbitten or letting doctors of questionable reputations use Black and Decker products on his skull.

"Mumps, Mulder," answered Scully, thoughtfully. "You weren't answering your phone and then I found your system including all of your many internal organs had shut down because your untreated mumps had spread throughout your body." Mulder had a very delicate system and any little bug at all was life-threatening to his fragile constitution.But little did Mulder know that the mumps were really alien mumps, and were slowly taking over his brain and turning him into a homosexual...

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Walter Skinner sat in the cozy den of his apartment near a simmering fire on this raw and blustery night reading poetry in argyle socks and a hand-woven Peruvian sweater. The firelight glimmered on his sparkling clean glasses as he remembered that his housekeeper, the stern and crusty yet warmly affectionate Mrs. Coffin had her day off on the following day. Walter knew that there was no time to waste because dirt was always busy accumulating and given the least bit of slack, it would careen out of control into an unbearable mess. So he got up and went to the laundry room and got his neatly organized cleaning materials and set to work scrubbing the kitchen floor on hands and knees.Little did he know that this paragraph written about him was totally pointless and had no meaning what-so-ever.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

About a year later Mulder was fine because the mumps didn't cause him any harm such as making him sterile. But he had a very bad case of food poisoning and a rare type of pinkeye, so again he was in the hospital sobbing out his heart because he was so sick and lonely and everyone misunderstood him and his quest for truth. The food poisoning was even worse than when he had tapeworms because at least the tapeworms just behaved themselves quietly whereas the food poisoning made him feel very sick, dizzy and weak without any strength. But the food poisoning was similar to the tapeworms because of course he had to stay in the hospital for a thorough treatment of many enemas on a daily basis. Mulder did not have any sexual excitement from the enemas but he didn't mind them either. When he would have an illness in his childhood his mother would give him enemas too and he never enjoyed them in any sexual way because she was his mother after all, but he didn't mind them either. Soon Mulder was back to work without his food poisoning or pinkeye and as usual Scully was questioning his crazy theories and always challenging his mind in that serious but lighthearted way that made him know that she somehow respected him despite his apparent mental imbalances. It made him feel better and he didn't cry quite so much at least not at work in front of Scully.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Mulder felt hot tears roll down his cheeks in his misery and soon he was sobbing his heart out in the privacy of his dark apartment. His favorite fish named Sparky had died, and he had even mentioned it to Scully, but it had been almost two weeks since then and still nobody had comforted him or understood his grief. Even so, he knew it was not logical and somewhat immature, but he was feeling like a lost little boy whose mother never understood when he cried when she smashed insects and spiders, just like they were worthless bugs or something, either. He hadn't cried like this since he was in church clutching Samantha's picture while softly whimpering in his grief, or maybe last week when he felt really sick because he had Landau Kleffner syndrome. It was better to cry at home where nobody had to hear or listen, other than in the office and so that is where he cried a lot but not usually so achingly like he was now.

He didn't know how long he was crying, but it was actually a long time. He heard the phone ring but he didn't answer it. He was just about finished wallowing in his misery when the doorbell rang. Mulder blew his nose and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He looked through the peephole in the middle of the door and saw that AD Skinner was at his door even though his glaucoma made it a little hard to see that far.

"Agent Mulder, I know you're in there," Skinner groweled. "Let me in. Right now!"

Mulder thought that his boss probably even had heard him crying and sobbing even through the door.

"I called your phone but there was no answer and knowing your insubordinate type of nature even though it is not working hours, I am here," said Skinner, noticing that Mulder's tissue box was entirely empty.

No one had ever showed such tender concern for Mulder in his entire life and soon he was crying again and no matter how much he tried to stop his sobs continued with his chest hitching and his swollen eyes squeezed shut in desperation.

Skinner saw that his agent was in much mental anguish. Mulder flung himself across the room and onto the couch where he buried his face in his hands and cried again.It was then that Mulder knew that Scully meant nothing to him.He was in love with AD Skinner...or so he thought!

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Mulder woke up but not the next morning and not in his own bed. He was in Skinner's bed and Skinner had gone to work already. Mulder was used to sleeping in Skinner's bed but usually at Skinner's luxurious secluded mountaintop cabin on weekends. Or sometimes they would go to Skinner's expansive beachfront home with floor to ceiling windows looking out upon the sea, crashing against the rocky Maryland shore like a tidal wave. But Mulder preferred the mountain getaway because even though he was severely asthmatic (he had to use his ever-present inhaler if he even saw a tree or bush) and allegeric to all sorts of pollen, he was even more prone to seasickness. Riding in a boat or swimming or even the thought of looking at the water momentarily was enough to make him violently ill all over the elegant furnishings which looked like Skinner had hired a professional interior decorator, but actually he had chosen himself through many hours of consultation and shopping among D.C.'s finest shops in Georgetown.

Today he was in Skinner's apartment and he woke up in a fevered delusional state of mind. He started crying because he knew he was sick again, even though he was used to it. Downstairs Mrs. Coffin was cleaning up her breakfast preparations when she heard Mulder moaning and because Skinner was already gone she suddenly knew that it was not the usual type of groaning that she so often chuckled about with affection for her employer and his young lover. Mrs. Coffin found that Mulder was hysterical with fever and she began to scurry about efficiently like she always did when Mulder became fatally ill.

She got some basins of water and rubbing alcohol and soft clean white fluffy washcloths and she attended to Mulder's hot body for long enough that his fever had calmed and she could telephone the AD. Skinner raced home and found his fragile invalid lover resting on a nest of crisp clean designer sheets and pillows and sniffling into a tissue as he tried not to cry too much. He was ready to take Mulder to the hospital but then Mulder asked for help to walk to the bathroom and Skinner knew that everything would be okay because Fox always enjoyed having a nice BM. Later he found out that although they thought he had Lymphangioleiomyomatosis, he really only had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever from a tick that bit him when he and Scully went on a case in the Rocky Mountains, and Mrs. Coffin's tender motherly attentions had been enough to cure his latest ailment.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Mulder was at his apartment because he had broken his hip because his congenital osteoporosis made his bones brittle and also his Klippel-Feil syndrome. Scully was visiting him and she noticed that now his apartment was tastefully decorated in a theme of Precious Moments, those little cute kids that have really big heads and wispy hair. He had Precious Moments pictures on the wall and Precious Moments throw pillows on this couch. There were Precious Moments sheets and comforter on his bed, too, and his toaster had a quilted cover which matched the cover on his blender and expensive gourmet quality heavy duty mixer with special pasta-dough maker attachments.

Scully sat on the couch when she visited and Mulder cringed inside himself when he saw that Scully had accidentally sat on his tiny Paddington bear, which although it didn't match the prevailing Precious Moments theme of his apartment, Mulder always kept it close to him especially when he slept alone on the couch whenever he slept. Just like the Precious Moments pictures and objects he treasured his bear which he named Paddy because it was given to him by his sentimental older lover who rained gifts upon him like a father who is especially generous with his favorite child. Mulder carefully reached underneath Scully's butt when she wasn't noticing it and plumped up Paddy because Scully's butt had flattened him under the weight of her body.

Scully didn't know about his new intimate relationship with their boss even though it was going on for several years now. Mulder didn't want to tell her because now she was still important to him but since he mostly spent all of his time at doctors and hospitals or being fucked by Walter again and again until the sheets really needed a thorough washing in very hot water with expensive laundry detergent, but the kind for sensitive skin so the residue didn't make him break out in an angry red leaking rash the next time he laid on them, he didn't have much time to think about Scully or work. Soon Mulder knew that although he was spending a few days alone and not with Walter, it was time to pay attention to his bowel health and so he gently escorted Scully to the door and she left closing it behind her.

Before she left Scully asked him about his new interest in Precious Moments collectibles and Mulder had squeaked in fear, "What do you mean, Scully?" Oh dear God Mulder thought, bracing himself to see that Scully realized that their boss had showered him with all the gifts and decorator accents. Oh no! He whimpered to himself, shivering like a tiny marsupial which has just emerged from its egg because it not a mammal. I'm dead! I'm finished! She knows! She knows! He trembled. But then Scully had changed the subject so he relaxed again anyway.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

They were shopping at the Pentagon City mall with its tall atrium and expensive stores to celebrate Mulder's recovery from renal failure when Fox became very hungry and Walter knew that it was time to feed his lanky agent because he was whining and whimpering and tugging on his arm and his stomach was groweling loudly. While they were eating their food they watched a family of children running around and knocking over chairs and drinks causing mayham for all the shoppers who were eating with their packages. Mulder noticed that Walter's eyes were all moist and dreamy as he watched the joyful children playing innocently. Mulder was gripped with nauseating pain and guilt to think that he could never give Walter the children that he wanted and needed so badly. Tears began rolling down his cheeks as he thought, "If only he had a womb to nurture the manly seed of his lover!" He knew that Walter would be a perfect father although he seemed like he would be one of those stern and distant fathers, inside he was kind and loving and would keep his children spotlessly clean.

"Walter do you want a family because it's something I've been thinking about also," said Fox quietly.

"No! That is not what I'm thinking," insisted Walter, shaking his head to clear his mind from daydreams of innocent little children tastefully dressed and playing in a restrained yet joyful manner near him, their proud father.

"I know an adoption agency that helps couples like us," Mulder said cheerfully, or at least he tried to sound cheerful so Walter wouldn't notice that he was crying about that womb thing. "Or of course I know where Scully's daughter Emily is kept safe for the treatment Scully didn't want her to have because she is part alien and seems to be turning into a type of lizard being, but I think Scully would want her to have a stable two-parent family and we could adopt her I'm sure."

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Mulder had been in the hospital again from a very bad case of gingivitis which turned into pneumonia and septic shock because his system was so sensitive and prone to illness. Walter knew that Fox had not been taking proper care of himself despite the AD's careful monitoring of his emotional and physical health. Fox was always likely to burst into tears at the slightest cause and Skinner thought that his frail agent sometimes felt his emotions in a very sensitive way.Mulder became afraid of the AD in the weeks to come.He was slowly beginning to realize that he loved Scully again.

Mulder was shaking and as weak as a tiny newborn possum who's mother didn't realize it fell off from hanging on securely as baby possums do, because the first time was not sufficient enough to teach it a lesson.Then again, there was no lesson to be learned, so it didn't matter anyway.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Walter knew that he was a good influence on Fox because he could give him good advice about his job and life that Mulder was just not capable of. Walter thought for one thing that Fox should not continue his phobia about buses and subways and other forms of public transportation but Mulder still hadn't taken that one advice. Every time Mulder got near the entrance to a subway or saw a commuter bus or God forbid they drove past the Virginia Railway Express which was always breaking down during rush hour, Fox would start to shake and sweat like a rabid mouse with bright feverish shiny eyes full of fear and hyperventiling. But otherwise Walter had improved his young charge's life very much because now he had someone to take care of him and tell him what to do when he was afraid and confused in life.

Walter knew that his role was to help and protect Mulder because all Mulder thought about in his psyche was how to be accepted by others. Everything he did in his life was in trying to earn the good opinion and respect of others. Even with Skinner he still had a hard time trusting him and when they had a fight he always bent over forwards to make up for any little thing he did to cause Walter the slightest irritation. Sometimes Skinner worried that Mulder's improvement in his paperwork at work was due to his fear that Skinner would withdraw his love if was dissatisfied with Fox's efforts on the job.

About three weeks ago they had a fight when Mulder left a pile of sunflower seeds on the table near where he read books under the lamp in Skinner's cozy den. Skinner felt that he gave Mulder a lot of slack the way he never hung up his clothes or forgot to comb his hair or remove his shoes immediately inside the front door. He especially hated it when Mulder tried to kiss him in the morning before he brushed his teeth thoroughly for at least 3 minutes and Mulder came to know well that glaring look that would send him scurrying off to the bathroom, cringing in shame and weeping forlornly because he forgot his basic hygiene.

Walter became insane with rage and was storming around the apartment cleaning all traces of Fox's messy ways including his ridiculous sunflower seed shells, which were not good for him anyway because they were high in sodium content. Finally he agreed that Mulder would be allowed to eat sunflower seeds in the apartment only if he wore a bib around his neck and put the seeds directly into the little pouch of the bib. He even helped Mulder sew a nice tasteful ribbon onto the laces of the bib because it was a little small for his neck and needed more length in the ties.

Then one day Mulder was chewing on his pen cap.Suddenly he felt as if cold water had washed all over his body but it hadn't because it was only figurative language and there would be one hell or a problem if cold water just randomly dumped on him.

Mulder realized that it was all a plot against him by the aliens.He was never in love with Skinner...Skinner was just an alien clone from the planet Pi3.142........whatever the end of that number is.

The aliens were trying to get him to hid his love for Scully.The woman he was married to but not really.Somehow he would regain her love.Someday he would really marry her.Someday...but then he choked on the pen cap and died so it didn't matter anyway.

Both of them were caught unawares however when Samantha returned out of the blue. Or maybe she was a clone again, they couldn't be sure. But they were surprised, anyway. 


	10. Our Hearts Will Go On: The Ghost and Mrs...

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Every night in my dreams  
I see you, I feel you  
That is how I know you go on.  
Far across the distance  
and spaces between us  
You have come to show you go on."_

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~___

All of a sudden, Dana Scully, a.k.a. Mrs. Fox William Mulder, awokened with a great deal of startlement. Her touseled reddish locks fell about her in romantic curls. She had been having a dream about her beloved husband, and that made her really sad. This was because her husband was no longer alive. This made him dead. It was all quite tragical.

"Oh, Fox William," she said to herself, sighing in a sad way. As she got out of bed and tied her frilly green silk bathrobe caressingly around her self. How Dana wished that it was Fox WIlliam Mulder who was tying it around her!

He had loved to buy her frilly things from the Victoria's Secret catalogue so he had always grabbed it out of the mailbox as soon as it arrived. He was extremely sweet that way. (Buying things, not grabbing.) Just thinking about that catalogue made her feel really unhappy. Her grief was like the English channel, but could she ever find a way to put grease on herself and swim across?

For now Fox William was dead. Dead, dead, dead, Dana Scully thought. Yet despite being so very dead, somehow, he was also alive.

"Oh, my darling and dearest Fox William," Dana said again. As she said this, Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder, her pet Beagle, came in and jumped up on the bed very simpathetically. "You heart does go on inside of me forever and ever and I will never forget all the beautiful ways that you have touched me and opened my eyes to very many beautiful things about life. Such as the Victoria's Secret catalogue."

Little did Dana know, that although her Fox William was dead and only alive in her heart (where he went on forever) he was also alive! In a slightly different way.

And somewhere, somehow, he heard her. All this _despite being_ (as previously explained) extremely dead.

Anyway, Dana needed to go to work. And while she was there, she thought about that dream she'd had, the one that had woken her up in the beginning of the story.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

_"Near, Far, wherever you are  
I believe that the heart does go on  
Once more, you opened the door  
And you're here in my heart,  
and my heart will go on and on."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Dana opened the door to the office she had once shared with darling Fox William Mulder. She adored working at Fox's old desk. It reminded him of her. Because it was his, and it seemed like it still even smelled like him, sort of like the Drakkaar Nwoir he always used to wear. Except when it rained and then the whole office smelled like mildew, but that did not remind her of anyone in particular.

It seemed to Dana like sometimes Fox was still here. Which was silly, because he wasn't.

No, he had accidentally choked to death on a pen cap six months before. She had tried to warn him. But he thought this was extremely unlikely and laughed when she told him about her fifth grade teacher Sister Barbara Marie who used to warn them about chewing on pen caps. And this kid, Ryan Sharp, who sat three rows away from her, who had swallowed his one day. It was a serious problem that a lot of people don't know about. (Pen cap—chewing I mean, not fifth grade.)

So she had always told Mulder, "Don't chew on your pen cap." But he did it anyway. Thus, he became dead.

Yet despite being tragically separated from Mulder, Dana Sculyl (Dana Mulder that is) still felt him "reach out and touch" her in her dreams. It was like some kind of supernatural long distance commercial.

In her dreams they were always dancing, him in his tuxedo and her in a beautiful dress which was occasionally her wedding dress, with its bodice full of seed pearls and its long white lacy sleeves. But at other times her dress was made of deep ruby red silk (which you might not of thought would look very good on a redhead but in her dream Dana always pulled it off extremely well.)

But what was so peculiar and odd about the dream which had awoken her as she woke up? It was that Mulder was not only holding her and dancing. He was also singing!

Mulder had never been a very good singer. She knew that because sometimes when they watched "Beauty and the Beast" together he would try to sing the Celine Dion song because he said it was exactly like them, especially the part about

"Just a little change

Small, to say the least

Both a little scared

Neither one prepared

Beauty and the Beast"

which Mulder used to say was exactly like the way they had fallen in love (aside from the fact that there were no singing teapots involved.)

But what was really weird about the dream, and what had made Dana kind of go "whoa!" and wake up was the following thing: This time Mulder was singing _extremely_ well. And when he sang, he sounded _exactly_ like Celine Dion. Which was kind of weird when you think about it.

But it got weirder than that. For just then, at the time when she was thinking about all of these things, Dana saw materialize before her the ghostly form of her beloved, her only true love Fox WIlliam Mulder!!!

And, aside from being a ghost, he was singing again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Love can touch us one time

and last for a lifetime

And never let go till we're gone."

"Fox, oh, Fox, my darling, my one and only love of a lifetime!" said Scully exclamatorily as she darted across the room like Speedy Gonzales. But it wasn't like Speedy Gonzalez because she was so fast that she made Speedy Gonzalez look like regular Gonzalez.But just as she touched the wonderful features of her handsome big-nosed lover and husband, he melted away. Which Sculyl found disapointing.

He also stopped singing when he melted away. Leaving Scully to sadly croon to herself:

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~___

_ _

_"Love was when I loved you,_

_one true time to hold on to_

_In my life we'll always go on."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Dana was standing in front of Mr. Walter Skinner's desk, which was in Mr. Skinner's office. Mr. Skinner was just a fantastic boss. She liked him lots, but only as a boss.

Mr. Skinner liked Scully as more than just a boss, but he was extremely respectful of her deep and eternal grief for Agent Mulder. He knew that a love such as there's was truly an eternal love, and that Dana would never ever forget Fox Mulder.

But he still was kind of hoping that maybe someday he and Dana could get together even if her love for him (Walter Sergei Skinner) would never be as deep as her love for him (Fox William Mulder).

"Dana, I am worried about you. You seem distracted a lot. Are you thinking about Fox William Mulder?" said Mr. Skinner in his usual sweet and sympathetic manner.

"Oh, Mr. Skinner, it is nice of you to ask. Yes, I think of his often, but that is because I am trying to carry on his work in the X-Files," Dana said bravely. If her heart were not forever wedded to her darling Fox William Mulder, it would have popped out to Mr. Skinner like toast out of a toaster.

"Well, I have a new case for you and Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder. I will help you with it. Are you up to it, Scully?" By the way, Mr. Skinner always called her Scully even though her name was really Mrs. Fox William Mulder. It was for old time's sake. Dana smiled brightly at him.

"You bet!" She said. She also said, "But I am having a very funny thing happening to me right now. You may think I am crazy but I think I have seen the ghost of Mulder. And he sounds like Celine Dion." Scully started to cry when she said that last part.

Mr. Skinner handed her a Kleenex. He kept a big pink box of them on his desk just in case any of his agents should burst into tears while they were talking to him. Not that this happened very often (because he was so nice) but being an FBI agent is an extremely stress-provoking experience, and sometimes even Dana Scully got PMS and needed to have a good cry. Mr. Skinner never got PMS, though.

"Thank you," said Dana Scully (Mulder).

"I don't think you are crazy, Scully. But I do find it very funny, although in a funny-ironical way not a funny-ha-ha way, that you should see ghosts and believe in them. DO you remember once upon a time when you didn't believe in ghosts? "

"Yes I do Mr. Skinner," said Scully. "But it is because Mulder opened up so many doors for me that I was able to come to see how exactly right he was all the time. And now, because he made me appreciate ghosts and many other important things, I can see him. It is kind of like this was meant to be!."

And then she blew her nose. And then she sang to herself very softly the next line of the song that Mulder had been singing to her:

_ _

_ _

"Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more, you opened the door

And you're here in my heart,

and my heart will go on and on."

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Mr. Skinner and Dana were walking through the very old and creepy abandoned building. Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder Beagle was with them. She sniffed at the ground as Mr. Skinner and Dana flashed their flashlights around.

"Are you sure this is where we are going to find Krychek?" Dana said to Mr. Skinner enquiringly. She was whispering, which made sense because they were trying to sneak up on the evil Krychek, who was trying to blow up a bunch of people with a nuculer bomb. They were hoping they could stop him if only they could find him in this building where he was supposed to be.

Suddenly Mr. Skinner fell down!!!!!

Not only that, it was into a trap that he fell.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"You're here, there's nothing I fear_

_And I know that my heart will go on."_

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_ _

"Mr. Skinner!" shouted Dana. She ran to where the hole was that he was inside of. So did Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder, but Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder was smart enough not to say anything. (If she had of said anything it would of probably been "bark!" or something like that.)

"Uhhhhhhhh" said Mr. Skinner, in a way that reminded Scully very much of a bagpipe. This concerned her.

"Mr. Skinner!" she said again, showing her concern. She shone her flashlight down into the hole. She thought she was going to pass out at what she saw, which was quite gross and yucky. It was a big bunch of worms crawling all over Skinner who kept making that bagpipe noise. You see, Dana was very frightened of worms.

Plus, to round off the bad day she was having just then, Krycek appeared, smirking away. He was kind of cute when he smirked like that. Also, his leather jacket was very nice. But he was evil and Dana hated him. She tried not to hate anybody, but in Krychek's case she had decided it would be ok to make an exception.

Because Krychek had been part of the reason that Mulder had choked to death on the pen cap. True, it was an _extremely _bad habit that Mulder had of chewing on his pen caps, but even so he probably would never have choked on the one he eventually died from if only Krychek hadn't been shooting at him at the same time.

As a matter of fact, the gunshot wounds that ripped through his beautiful body as Mulder sat on the terrace of that Italian cafe where Krychek had surprised him probably would have killed him anyway. But technically, he had *choked* to death before *bleeding* to death from the gunshot wounds, so it was only partly Krychek's fault.

Anyway, the point is that Dana hated Krychek. But she was pretty scared. Krychek was advancing toward her as Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder trembled and growled at Dana's feet.

"Ahhhhhh, Dana. Alone at last," he said with his same old snarl. "All my plotting, all my treachery---at last I have achieved my goal. You will be mine! Forever! Dana!" And he laughed. As usual, that was not a pleasant sound.

But it gets worse. Krychek then reached out his hand and touched Dana. And seeing where she was completely paralyzed with fear (because of the worms and Kychek), she didn't move. That's what happens when you're paralyzed, even with fear: you just can't move.

But just as his fingers were about to ruffle her shining red tresses there appeared before her the shimmering figure of the shining star of her life, the very heart of her souls deep sea, the man who had taught her everything she knew and everything she could be!

(In other words, that would be Mulder.)

Plus, he was singing Celine DIon to her again:

"I know that my heart will go on...."

And that reminded Dana of another Celine Dion song. Because as she was standing there paralyzed she remembered when Mulder had been blind temporarily blind and how she had helped him through it. They were always helping each other through stuff. Love is like that. The words went through her head:

"You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn't speak

You were my eyes when I couldn't see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach

You gave me faith because you believed

I'm everything I am

Because you loved me"

And she realized that Mulder was still with her and was still trying to protect her. SO, it turned out that Krychek couldn't touch her (and he was getting quite mad about that, by the way, because Krychek couldn't see Mulder's ghost and so didn't know that the mysterious force field preventing him from touching Dana was merely the ghost of Fox Mulder.)

In addition to this great benefit, Scully realized that Mulder's ghost was giving her the strength she needed to overcome her temporary paralysis. Just like she had given him love to help him get over the blindness thing. SO she could move.

So she shot Krychek again. For good this time, right in the chest, until he was extremely dead, just the way Mulder was extremely dead. (Although hopefully Krychek would not come back from being extremely dead the way Mulder had been able to.)

"But Dana...I lovvved you..." he whispered just before he died. And then he looked cute and not so evil and Dana felt a little bad because she was tender-hearted. However, she quickly realized that Krychek didn't know what *true* love is. There was no way he would come back from the dead and help her out. Now that was love (coming back from the dead that is.)

After that, the ghost of Fox Mulder helped Dana find where Krychek had hidden the nuclear bomb he had in the warehouse. So Scully disarmed it and saved many people's lives. The Ghost of Fox Mulder also helped her and Kibbles "Wham Bam" Spritzy Fox Mulder get Skinner out of the trap. Skinner was basically ok, despite having been knocked unconscious and having worms crawl up his nose.

"Oh Mulder," said Dana Scully (Mulder) as the people in the ambulance (who could not see the ghost) loaded up Mr. Skinner to run a variety of tests on him at the hospital in order to see if he was completely fine and worm-free. "I can never tell you how much it means to see you. This is the next best thing to you being alive. When will we be completely together again?"

Because although Sculyl was extremely grateful for Mulder retuning from the dead to help her out on this case, she also thought it would be nice to actually talk to him, as opposed to singing. But the singing was good too.

Yet her tragedies were not over. For her beloved Fox William Mulder just sadly shook his head and shiny tears welled up in his big beautiful brown ghost eyes. From this she understood that he was saying that they wouldn't *really* be together again for a very long time, perhaps until she was an extremely old lady and died. Then they would *really* be together.

For now, she would simply have to hold this precious memory in her heart as his singing ghost walked beside her and kept her safe from nuclear bombs and worms. Forever.

So they sang to each other:

"We'll stay, forever this way

You are safe in my heart

and my heart will go on and on."

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

Dana Katherine Scully Mulder awakened. From a deep sleep. She turned to her darling Fox William Mulder who was leaning over her and shaking her gently.

"Why, my dearest Fox, you are not dead!" she said in great surprise.

"No, silly. But I am late for the Celine Dion concert. And so are you!!! Come on Dana, it's your birthday!" And he was smiling just as his ghost had in her dream. Except that he was alive, not dead! He was warm and beautiful and he wasn't wavering and shimmery like the ghost. Not to mention that he could talk and didn't sing everything.

On the down side, this meant that Krychek wasn't really dead either. But Dana figured you can't have everything. Anyway, since Krychek hadn't actually killed Mulder, she didn't have to hate him quite so much. SO that was all right too.

She had proof that Fox loved her and would stand by her until death they did part and even beyond that (because she knew that Fox was right about dreams as well as ghosts so she knew that her dream had been a kind of vision.) Plus, she got the added bonus that she knew all of this without Fox actually having to die. Which was great.

Basically, it was a very happy ending.

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

_"You gave me wings and made me fly  
You touched my hand I could touch the sky  
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me  
You said no star was out of reach  
...I'm everything I am  
Because you loved me."_

_ _

_@__~~~{~~~~}~~~~_

But then Scully wondered about what the word "basically" really encompassed.Did it mean that everyone would be all right?Or was it one of Rachel's sinister plans to write a sequel?No one knew for sure—wait a minute—no once actually cared.But how did Scully know that no one actually cared?Chow could she be sure that we really do care about things?Scully wondered if the aliens cared about things like life and love.Maybe she should look into metaphysics after all.Maybe, just maybe, metaphysics didn't really exist—but how could she be completely and positively sure?

"Wait, Rachel, " asked, "Is anyone really still reading this?How do I know your really reading this?Ah!She's rubbing off on me!I must end this epic of plot holes and non-sensical ramblings!WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE!?Wait...children...does the future of America really matter?Nah.TV and mindless crap will rot your brains anyways, so rot on!Please rot responsibly.With a rabid mouse and a baggie full of cheerios (but pick out the tape worms first) {Does that really have a point?No, but like I said...it's in the title!And it's all smooshed together like a big happy family!Almost like Mulder and Scully!MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!}...Almost...But how do I really know that my life is complete—"

::Scully creeps up on Rachel slowly while she is rambling on and on about nothing and hits her with a shovel::

"Victory is mine!No more ramblings!It wasn't really Mulder and I that said all of that stupid stuff to kill off thousands of your neurons, it was Rachel!It was—"

::Scully is cut off by Rachel shooting her in the head.She blows the smoke away from her gun with an evil grin::

WAIT!Are you still confused about what happened?Was this all just a dream?::Long pause:: What!?You expect me to know?Yeah, like you've never written something so full of plot holes that you didn't know what was going on!

_The End?_


End file.
